The Art of Listening

In his book "The 10 Commandments of Common Sense", Hal Urban related this story. "During a recent trip to Singapore, I spoke about how important listening is to effective communication. In my talk, I quoted an ancient Greek philosopher:

photo: Sir Stamford Raffles statue, Singapore

"We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak" - Epictetus

In the same talk, I referred to the theory... "Good listeners listen with their eyes." When someone is talking to us, our eyes will let him or her know whether we're really listening. When we look into the other person's eyes, we're sending a message, namely, "what you have to say is important. I'm giving you my full attention." Finally, I mentioned that good listeners takes empathy and concentration, and that it's had work. We listen with our total being, including our core - the heart.

Shortly after my talk, a Chinese man came up to me and asked if I had ever seen the symbol for "listen" in his language... I told him no, so he drew it for me. It had several parts, each relating to the various aspects of listening. One of the symbols represents the mouth, while another represents the ears. The most interesting part was a symbol of ten eyes. One mouth, two ears, and ten eyes.... And at the center of the symbol area a one and a heart. In other words, all the parts that lead to genuine listening add up to a single thing - the heart.

This is the Chinese character which means LISTEN.
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The section on the left denotes the ear
There are four sections on the right:
the top one says ten (or you)
beneath that comes the eyes
next is undivided attention
at the bottom is heart

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Upon life, there will be times when we are called to comfort those who are suffering. In the bible, there is a story of a man, Job, who went from riches-to-rags. Within a short period of time, he loses his children, wealth, home, and health. Three of Job's friends came to visit him. They were supposed to be comforting him in his grief. Instead they condemned him for causing his own suffering. Job called his friends "miserable comforters".

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"I have heard all this before. What miserable comforters are you all! Will your long-winded speeches never end? What ails you that you keep on arguing? I could also speak like you, if you were in my place; I could make fine speeches against you. But my mouth would encourage you; comfort from my lips would bring you relief." - Job 16: 1-5

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Job's words reveal several ways to become a better comforter to those in pain: (1) don't talk just for the sake of talking, (2) don't sermonise by giving pat answers, (3) don't accuse or criticise, (4) put yourself in the other person's place, and (5) offer help and encouragement.

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...... A Poem About Listening .....

Please, just listen. When I ask you to listen to me, and you start giving advice, you have not done what I asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings. When I ask you to listen to me, and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem. Listen! All I asked was that you listen, not talk, or do... just hear. Advice is cheap ... . I'm not helpless. Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless. When you do something for me that I can, and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear and inadequacy. But when you accept, as a simple fact, that I do feel no matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to convince you and get about the business of understanding what's behind this irrational feeling... . Please listen and just hear me, and if you want to talk wait a minute for your turn, and I'll listen to you. - Ray Houghton, M.D.Teen Times, Nov/Dec 1979

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Source: LAB

http://www.mckenley-simpson.co.uk/inspiration/chinese_symbol_for_listen.php

A Bed of Roses

Let’s not kid ourselves, life is not a bed of roses!" Although some people grumble because roses have thorns, I am thankful that thorns have roses." Below is a slide show of the many variety of roses blooming in State College just when we were about to depart for home.

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Do all things without grumbling or disputing (Philippians 2: 14).

It is virtually impossible to complete a day without falling into the trap of “grumbling or disputing”. It is so easy to pick up the habit of negative thinking. Why? Because there are so many things around us that prompt us to be irritable.

The negative attitude reacts to circumstances with blame. We blame ourselves or someone else, or God, or if we can’t find a tangible scapegoat, we blame “fate”. What an absolute waste!

• When we blame ourselves, we multiply our guilt, we rivet ourselves to the past, and we decrease our self-esteem.
• If we choose to blame God, we cut off our single source of power. Doubt replaces trust, and we put down roots of bitterness that can make us cynical.
• If we blame others, we enlarge the distance between us and them. We alienate. We poison a relationship. And on top of that, we don’t find relief!

Blame never affirms, it assaults
Blame never restores, it wounds
Blame never solves, it complicates
Blame never unites, it separates
Blame never smiles, it frowns
Blame never forgives, it rejects
Blame never forgets, it remembers
Blame never builds, it destroys
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According to Charles Swindoll, the greatest waste of energy in our ecologically minded world is not electricity or natural gas…, it’s the energy we waste fighting the inevitables! And to make matter worse, we are the ones who suffer, who grow sour, who get ulcers, who become twisted, negative and tight-fisted fighters. Some actually die because of this. In short, blame backfires, hurting us more than the object of our resentment. Let’s admit it – not until we stop blaming will we start enjoying health and happiness again!

We spend more of our time concentrating and fretting over the string that snap – things that can’t be changed, things that suck up our attention and energy, all of them inescapable and occasionally demoralizing – than we do giving attention to the one that remains, our choice of attitude.

God grant me the Serenity, To accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; And the wisdom to know the difference.

reflection: roses or thorns, your choice?

Reference: Charles Swindoll

Attitude

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company... a church, ... a home.

photo: State College, USA

The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on one string we have, and that is our attitude.

"I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it.

And so it is with you... we are in charge of our attitudes."

- Charles Swindoll

reflection: when my attitudes are right, there's no barrier too high, no valley too deep, no dream too extreme, no challenge too great for me.

Source: Charles Swindoll (1982) Strengthening Your Grip

Au Revoir!

Well, the time has come for us to leave Happy Valley. We leave for the airport in 4 hours. In John Denver's words, "All our bags are packed. We'r ready to go. We'r standing here outside the door... Cause we'r leavin on a jet plane. Don't know when we'll be back again....

Over the past few days, we have been busy packing and repacking our luggage. Even though we didn't buy much during our stay in State College, somehow we still have a lot to carry, so much so that we had to buy another luggage.
The main culprits are my books. I have also discarded most of the research papers I accummulated. Thankfully, the Gold Card (which came very timely - just before we started our sabbatical and expiring immediately after) will come in very handy since the cardholders are given an extra check-in luggage. On top of that, my weight limit per bag is 70 lbs, which is 20 lbs more than the usual 50 lbs. Hence, in total, our check-in luggage capacity is 210 lbs. Still, we are ready to pay the excess weight if necessary.
car model
We handed the car keys to the dealer on Friday. A month or so ago, we entered into a gentleman's (handshake) agreement with the dealer (the same guy whom we bought the car) to buy back our car. We bought it at US$ 8,800 and sold it at US$ 6,800. Thus, the cost of "hiring" and using the car for 10.5 months is US$ 2,000. Overall, we are pleased with the Honda Accord as well as the dealer's service and reliability. Hence, we can understand why he is highly commended by his customers. So, if you know of anyone who is coming to State College and intending to buy a used car, I would strongly recommend him or her to visit Traditional Automobiles, which is located at 1318 West College Avenue. The proprietor's name is Gus Moutevelis, tel: (814) 234-8202.

And on Sunday, we had brunch buffet with the Ambrose family at Penn Stater - a conference hotel owned by the Penn State University. It has a good spread of food, but I enjoyed the breakfast section more - waffles, in particular. We also tried "mimosa", which is a champagne-plus-orange juice drink. After lunch, we walked from the Ambrose's home to Spring Creek park, which is one of our favorite parks in State College. After that, we had the chance to enjoy Sharon's wonderful baking skills. This time, it was a "blueberry pie", which my wife and I agreed was the best we have ever tasted. In fact, that can be said of many dishes she prepared - french onion soup, home-baked beans, fruit cake, rum cake ...

Finally, this evening, we went around the neighbourhood to say our goodbyes...

"We hate to go, but we had to ... au revoir."

Soon, the dawn will be breaking its early morn. I have been awake since 2 am (This is a habit I picked up during my working days with SIA - try to adjust my body clock to the destination time as soon as I get on board the plane). At 8 am, Bill Saxton, our church life-group leader, will be coming to give us a ride to the airport. Our flight path will be State College-> Washington DC (1 hour), DC-> Tokyo (14 hours) and Tokyo-> Singapore (7 hours). So, if there is no delay on the way, we will reach home on Wed, 1130 pm.

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Memories are a special house
We build inside ourselves
Where love and laughter linger
Where all our past life dwells.
On holidays like Christmas,
We can draw upon the store,
Reliving happy times
And feeling all that warmth once more.
Wherever we may travel,
This house is always there
To help to blend the old and new,
To build on...grow...and share.
This house can never get too full,
Just grow from floor to floor,
Because the joy of memories
Is always making more.

Cantonese Roast Duck

One dish my wife misses during our stay in Happy Valley is Cantonese roast duck. Fresh duck is not commonly sold in the US. During our stay, we have tried roasting duck once, during the Chinese New Year.

To prepare the duck, remove the giblets, clean the inside and the outside of the bird thoroughly, allow to drain, and pat dry thoroughly.

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Mix the marinade (2 tsp sugar, 1 tsp salt, ½ tsp five-spice powder, star anise, ground ginger powder, 1 bay leaf) and use it to season the duck (from the inside, ie. cavity) making sure none of the marinade touches the outer skin. Seal the opening with a small skewer.

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Plunge the duck into fiercely boiling water for 5 secs, remove and immediately plunge into ice water for 5 secs to stop the cooking. Remove duck and dry it.

Mix the ingredients (1 tbs malt sugar, 1 tbs Chinese red vinegar, 2 tbs rice vinegar, 2 tbs Chinese red rice wine, honey) for the glaze and paint the skin of the duck with it. The glaze will give the finished duck its characteristic succulent dark red sheen.

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Before the duck is ready for roasting, it needs to be dried in a cool, well-ventilated place for 8 - 12 hours.

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Roast the duck in the oven at 300*F (150*C) for 40 mins, breast side upward on a rack over a roasting pan, then turn and roast another 35 mins.

Cut the duck and serve.

The roasted duck gets a last shower of hot oil to give it a sheen, and the long and meticulous preparation is finally completed.

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Another variation of the roast duck is the Peking duck - served in a wrapper of wafer-thin pancake, in which the crispy duck skin is combined with fresh green onions (scallions) and the aromatic sauce.

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To make the aromatic sauce, mix all the ingredients (2 tbs sugar, 1 tbs oyster sauce, 2 tbs soybean paste, 3 tbs hoisin sauce, 2 tbs sesame oil). Heat 1 tbs oil in a pan, pour in the mixture, and bring to boil, stirring constantly. Remove from the heat and allow it to cool.

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file photo: Shanghai (June 2007)

There are minor variations in the preparation of the Peking duck, but the basic treatment, which involves scalding the duck, glazing the skin, and hanging it up to dry before cooking (see left), is always the same.

God's Omnipotence

Omnipotence in Latin means "all power".

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There are three attributes Christian theologians have often used to describe God’s ultimate power, knowledge and relevance to everything that ever happens. They start with "omnis'': Omnipotence (He can do anything), Omniscience (He knows everything) and Omnipresence (He is everywhere).

photo: DelGrosso's Amusement Park, PA

A Sunday school teacher was asking her students some questions after a series of lessons on God's omnipotence. She asked, "Is there anything God can't do?"

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All was silent. Finally, one boy held up his hand.

The teacher on seeing this, was disappointed that he had missed the point of the lesson. She sighed and asked, "Well, what is it you think God can't do?"The boy replied,

."He can't please everybody."

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As Christians, my wife and I find it comforting that our God is all present, all knowing, and able to do everything within His will.

Children's View of God

God is watching
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Children were lined up in the cafereria for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. Someone had written a note and placed it next to the apples. It read,
"Take only one, God is watching."

Moving through the line, to the other end of the table, was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One little boy wrote his own note and snuck it next to the cookies,
"Take all you want, God is watching the apples."

Giving thanks

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A young boy was asked to return thanks before Christmas dinner. The family members bowed their heads in expectation. The boy began his prayer, thanking God for all his friends, naming them one by one. Then he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles. Then he began to thank God for the food. He gave thanks for the turkey, the dressing, the fruit salad, the cranberry sauce, the cakes, and even the Cool Whip.

Then he paused, and everyone waited-and-waited. After a long silence, the young fellow looked up at his mother and asked, "If I thank God for the broccoli, won't he know that I'm lying?"

Letters to God

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Dear God, Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy - Joyce.

Dear God, why is Sunday School on Sunday? I thought it was supposed to be our day of rest?
- Tom

The Life of a Flower - Peony

Of all the flowers, peonies are the most luxurious and spectacular blooms in an early summer garden. The peony flowers are strikingly large and highly fragrant with their delicate tissue paper-like petals, usually in pink, red or white. However, the bloom period of a peony is brief, lasting only a week or two at the most.
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Did you know? Some people dislike the peony flower due to the fact that they have a symbiotic relationship with black ants. In early spring, the peony buds will secret a small amount of nectar, which attracts the ant. The ants will then pull slightly at the peony petals to get to the nectar. This helps to loosen the peony's petals and makes it easier for the flower to open. The ants are not absolutely necessary to helping peonies bloom, but they are helpful and do not harm anything. Most gardening experts advise against trying to kill the ants.

The peony has been a treasured flower in Asia for centuries. it is a traditional floral symbol of China, where it is called 牡丹 (mu dān).

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A Flower Poem by H.S. Rice

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Sometimes when faith is running low

And I cannot fathom why things are so ...

I walk alone among the flowers I grow

And learn the answers to all I would know

For among my flowers, I have come to see

Life's miracle and its mystery ...

And standing in silence and reverie

My faith comes flooding back to me!

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Heavenly Father, give me the vision to see the wise and inspirational message that you have placed within a flower.

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reflection: the life of a flower, like the life of a man, is measured not by what others are doing for it, but rather the enjoyment it is giving to others.

Ah, Summer!

Ah, summer is here! Or is it argh, summer is here! The answer depends very much on whether you like hot and humid weather? Officially, summer starts on the first day of June. Even if you are not one of those who keep up to date with the calendar, the hot humid weather will surely remind you that summer is finally here! This afternoon, the temperature went up to 105 degrees (40* C)! Usually, it doesn't get this hot until July or August, and that it would last for a week or so at most, we were told. A colleague even jested today that they have specially arranged this weather for us so that we can re-orientate back to the weather in Singapore more quickly.

As a result, both temper and temperature have also been rising in the house :)! Despite drawing the curtains during the day to keep the heat out, and switching on the huge ventilator fan at night, the house is still very hot. We find it particularly difficult to sleep in our normal bedroom, which is located on the top floor. So, we shifted down to the basement, which is much cooler than the other areas in the house. If the weather stays this way, I suppose we will be sleeping in the guestroom in the basement. So, we have came one full circle!

In our first week in Happy Valley, we stayed in the basement. And in our last week here, we will also be staying in the basement : )

Incidentally, basement is a common feature of American houses. As far as we are aware, all the houses we visited in the US have a basement. For us, they are wonderful, chiefly because they are cool and amazingly spacious. In most homes, you can find the laundry room and carpentry/workshop in the basement. Others, will convert some part of the basement to a studio, games room (pool table, pinball machines, or playstation), or a playroom for children. Yet, for some, the basement will always be the dark dingy cellar where you dumped all your unwanted stuff.

Another great feature of American homes, at least in this part of the country, is the screened porch – it is kind of a summer room on the side of the house, with walls made of a fine but sturdy mesh to keep out insects. They are a wonderful thing because they provide all the advantages of being outdoors and indoors at the same time. In Bill Bryson’s words, “it will always be associated in my mind with summer”. It’s true – most Americans live out there in the summer. This is where they would do most of their reading, writing, or just relaxing, staring out a sunny garden, watching the playful squirrels, listening to twittering birds and the hum of a neighbor’s lawn, whilst being caressed by a light breeze. And in the evening, dinners would also be eaten in the screened porch too.

Summer wouldn't be summer without the screened porch.

bill bryson - notes from a big country

Something for JOEY

Growing up, I remember watching “Something for Joey”. Based on a true story, the movie is about the relationship between John Cappelletti, a college football player, and his younger brother Joey, who battled with leukemia since the age of five. Focusing on the close bond between the two brothers, the story traces John through his years at college and Joey through his preteens - as each brother inspires the other, and their family around them, to try harder in life. The final scene of the movie was so touching that many shed tears:-

John wins the Heisman trophy and is recognized as the nation’s most outstanding college football player of the year. During his acceptance speech, John names Joey as his prime motivator, then gradually breaks down in tears, as he tells everyone he wants Joey to have his trophy, for inspiring him and for enduring so much difficulty with leukemia. The whole Cappelletti family is there, and Joey runs to John's side (source: wikipedia).
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The film ends by revealing Joey succumbed to his leukemia and died with John by his side on April 8, 1976.

It was only after reading a book on Joe Paterno and the history of Penn State football that I realized the setting for the real story was in Penn State. John Cappelletti played for the Nittany Lions. He attended Penn State University, where he won the Heisman Trophy in 1973. Cappelletti went on to play professional football from 1974 through 1983 for the Los Angeles Rams and the San Diego Chargers. He was inducted into the College Football Hall of Fame in 1993. John Cappeletti remains the only player in Penn State’s football history to have won the Heisman Trophy. Penn State legendary football coach, Joe Paterno, said that Cappeletti was “the best football player I ever coached.”

Cappelletti's Heisman acceptance speech, where he dedicated his award to his dying brother Joey, is one of the most memorable in the history of college sports. He touched the cold hearts of many Wall Street merchants and had cynical journalists and professional athletes wiping their misty eyes when he dedicated his 1973 Heisman Trophy to his 11-yr old brother Joey who was suffering from leukemia. Speaking at a gathering that included the Vice President of the United States and other luminaries, the big Penn State tailback uttered one of the most intelligent and thoughtful short talks in American sports history. He brought the house down in tears and had wet eyes himself when he concluded by saying,

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“The youngest member of my family, Joseph, is very ill. He has leukemia. If I can dedicate this trophy to him tonight and give him a couple of days of happiness, this is worth everything.”… “I think a lot of people think that I go through a lot on Saturdays and during the week as most athletes do. You get bumps and bruises and it is a terrific battle out there on the field. Only for me it is on Saturdays and it’s only in the fall. For Joseph, it is all year ‘round and it is a battle that is unending with him. He puts up with much more than I’ll ever put up with and I think that this trophy is more his than mine because he has been a great inspiration to me."

The speech was so touching that the relationship between Cappelletti and his younger brother Joey, was made into a movie in 1977 called Something for Joey.

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reflection: there is no education like adversity

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Source: 40 years of the Joe Paterno Era at Penn State – from the sports pages of the Centre Daily Times

Joe Paterno - No Ordinary Joe!

“They asked me what I’d like written about me when I’m gone. I hope they write I made Penn State a better place not just that I was a good football coach.” – Joe Paterno

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Everyone who follows the game of soccer would know who Alex Ferguson is. As the longest serving and most decorated manager in the English Premier League, Alex Ferguson is regarded as one of the game's greatest managers. Similarly, in the world of college football, the name Joe Paterno is equally revered! In Dec 2007, Joe Paterno was inducted into the College Football Hall of Fame, which is the highest honor in college football.

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Joe Paterno, is the legendary coach of Penn State football team. Next year, will be his 43rd year as the head coach, which is remarkable for a sport in which the players change with each season. Joe Paterno, who is 81, said he tackled each new season with the same energy and enthusiasm as the one before. However, his days as football coach of Penn State are numbered! The university recently announced that his contract will not be renewed when the current deal expires next year.

In 1982, Paterno & Penn State finally broke through, defeating Georgia in the Sugar Bowl to win their first national championship. Another followed 4 yrs later.

Joe Paterno came to Penn State, as a 23 year-old kid, in 1950. That’s 58 year ago!After serving as a member of the coaching team for 16 seasons, he was promoted to head coach in 1966. Since then, he has led Penn State to two national championships and five undefeated seasons. Indeed, JoePa, as he is affectionately called, is an iconic figure on and away from the football field - a symbol of tradition and pride for generations of Penn State alumni and fans and a chief ambassador of college football.

How much does Joe Paterno earns? US$ 512,664 annually! That is only the base salary, which does not include additional fees from television and apparel contracts as well as other game bonuses. But if Paterno has earned the status of a celebrity, he does not show off. It was noted that he lives in the same modest home in State College where he raised his five children and where he entertains recruits with his wife’s lasagna dinners and quiet conversation. His wardrobe is simple and unchanged, .., and ties that outdate many of his players.
Paterno’s contribution to the university transcends the football field. Over the years, he has also donated more than US$4.2 million to Penn State. Joe Paterno, along with his wife, also engineered a $14 million campaign to expand the university library, which is now called the Paterno Library.

“The purpose of college football is to serve education, not the other way round.”

"What are coaches? Number one, we're teachers and we're educators. We have the same obligations as all teachers at our institutions, except we probably have more influence over our young people than anyone other than their families."

Although we have not met Joe Paterno in person, we share something in common. Well, we learned from our landlord that JoePa, in his early days in State College five decades ago, used to live in the same house we are currently staying in. In fact, he occupied the smallest room in the house, which is currently our study room. If you can imagine living in a house Alex Ferguson used to stay as a young man, then you can imagine our feeling staying in a house with such a history!

==================I see that you posted something about Penn State football on your blog. I can't remember whether we told you this or not, but Joe Paterno used to live in our house. His bedroom was the study on the main floor. The house was built by a family named the O'Horas in 1957-8. Jim O'Hora was the defensive coordinator at Penn State, and for a while after he moved to town, JoePa lived with the O'Horas.

Once a few years ago, Jim's children drove Jim past the old house to have a look. I wasn't home but Cricket and the girls were, so they had a chance to talk to him. Another time, Cricket called his wife Elizabeth before she died and learned a little bit about the house. For instance, Elizabeth had wanted a larger entry to the kitchen from the garage (where the pantry is now), but they had to make it smaller in order to provide a large closet in JoePa's bedroom to hold his suits. :) So when you wrote on your blog that some people have a Nittany Lion room in their house, it turns out that you do too! - Dave.

Reference: No Ordinary Joe, The Daily Collegian "Paterno's base salary: $512,664" (Nov 30, 2007), "Commerative Edition - History in the Making" (Dec 2007), The New York Times "Question of Age is Getting Old" (Apr 20, 2008).

Ornamental Trees

What are ornamental trees? David Beaulieu defines "ornamental trees" as specimens that don't take up much room but pack plenty of punch, visually. They are flowering landscape trees valued for their spring display and are usually the crown jewels of the yard. Below are photos of some common species of ornamental trees in State College.

Crabapple trees (left) are one of the showiest trees, offering a floral extravaganza in spring! Their flowers profusely in early spring with pink to white scented blossoms and are excellent for wildlife because of their edible dark red berries. However, the stunning flowers fade so quickly that bloom alone seldom justifies the space of such popular trees.

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Eastern Redbud Trees (right) Thousands of small rosy-pink flowers appear in the spring before leaves appear. Sometimes referred to as the Judas tree (because it dates back to biblical times), it is a small deciduous tree that displays an abundance of purple blossoms in the spring. It is billed as one of the landscape's most graceful flowering trees. The "red buds" of redbuds are really a pinkish-purple – each with magenta pea-type flowers clinging so closely to the branches, and often the trunk, that they seem to bled through the bark.

Japanese Dogwood Trees – This has to be my favorite! In my opinion, it is the most beautiful of all flowering trees. Dogwood trees are very popular and widely planted because of their versatility and everything about the tree is pleasing: blooms for spring, an interesting branching pattern for summer, colorful foliage (purplish-red) for fall. As if that weren't enough, the bright scarlet berries persist into winter and are relished by wild birds and squirrels.

There are two species of dogwood trees. Cornus Florida bears white, star-shaped blooms, whilst "Satomi" kousa bears deep pink blossoms in spring. Each bloom cluster is ringed by four bracts.

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Reflection: Beware of showing off!

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If you are modest, people may not notice you at first, but they will respect you later. Prudent people have a quiet confidence. Insecure or uncertain people feel the need to prove themselves, but prudent people don't have to prove anything. They know they are capable, so they can get on with their work. A prudent man keeps his knowledge to himself, but the heart of fools blurts out folly - Proverbs 12: 23

Source: http://landscaping.about.com/mbiopage.htm

Success & Fulfillment

What is the difference between success and fulfillment?

Photo: Statue at Penn State Biz School

In her book If Success is a Game, These are the Rules, Cherie Carter-Scott notes that success is measured primarily by standards outside ourselves, while fulfillment is assessed internally. No one can deem you fulfilled except you. However, the world, with its objective criteria, can and does judge you as successful if you measure up to its standard.

Success: “If the world judges you as successful, it means either that you have realized your own goals and expectations or that you have exceeded normal, average standards held by the majority of people. Accomplishments are the main barometer the world uses to measure success: breaking records, amassing fortunes, being the first to do something, or changing current mind-sets all qualify. Being the best at something, conquering, curing, breaking through some barrier, all deem one eligible to enter the hallowed halls of success.”

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Photo: Penn State campus
Fulfillment, however, is quite different: “Fulfillment is a feeling that comes from within your soul that radiates through your being. It is the feeling of deep satisfaction and contentment you experience at the end of the day when you lie in bed before drifting off into sleep, knowing in your heart and your bones that you have met or exceeded your expectations of yourself. To be fulfilled means to be ‘filled full’ with a sense of well-being.

What comes to mind for you when you think about "success"?

What are the images you see? Do you imagine reaching the apex of your profession? Or do you imagine amassing great wealth? Does it mean seeing your face on the cover of national magazines or reading your name in Who's Who? For some people, success may be any one or all of these.

Photo: Penn State Honor Code

For others, it may be something entirely different. To some success looks like a grand achievement, to others it resembles daily rewards, and still others measure it as the accomplishment of an underlying life mission such as raising socially responsible children, or simply living ethically, honorably, or according to their values and conscience.

Success can be assessed externally by observers evaluating whether you have met a standard established by society; however, at the end of the day, there is either a peaceful feeling within you or there is emptiness. The peaceful feeling signals that you have lived up to your expectations and personal visions for yourself. The emptiness is a clue that you were striving toward a definition of success and fulfillment that was never really yours to begin with.

Reflection: What good is it for a man to gain the whole world,
and yet lose or forfeit his very self? (Luke 9:25)

Source: Cherie Carter-Scott (2000) If Success is a Game, These are the Rules – Ten rules for a fulfilling life.