Personal Creed

I have been busy with my research over the past few weeks; hence, the slack in updating this blog. So, here is a quick one on my Personal Creed.

photo: summer in State College (2008)

(1) Be true to yourself. This will insure peace of mind, and you will never betray anyone.

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(2) Make each day your masterpiece. You cannot change yesterday, and a better tomorrow can only come by improvement today.

(3) Help others. This will bring far, far more than you could ever give.

(4) Drink deeply from good books. There is none that compared to the Bible, but also read Shakespeare, Tennyson, the philosophers, biographies of great men, and others.

(5) Make a friendship a fine art. Be a friend; do not take friendship for granted. Build a shelter against a rainy day.

(6) Pray for guidance. Count your blessings and give thanks for them every day.

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source: Tecman

The Happiest People

The happiest people are those who have invested their time in others. The unhappiest people are those who wonder how the world is going to make them happy.

Karl Menninger, the great psychiatrist, was asked what a lonely, unhappy person should do. He said, "Lock the door behind you, go across the street, find someone who is hurting, and help them." Forget about yourself to help others. There is no better exercise for strengthening the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.

You wants other to encourage you. Think about it; most of your best friends are those who encouraged you. You don't have many strong relationships with people who put you down. You avoid these people and seek out those who believe in you and lift you up.

"When special people touch our lives then suddenly we see how beautiful and wonderful our world can really be. They show us that our special hopes and dreams can take us far by helping us look inward and believe in who we are. They bless us with their love and joy through everything they give. When special people touch our lives they teach us how to live." - J.C. Maxwell (1993)

What do you get out of encouraging others? One author wrote, "there is no way to decribe the joy of having a young person touch your arm and smile because you have taught him new values and touched his heart and his mind."

Just as you need it, people need to be encouraged.

Prayer: Father, we all need some encouragement in our lives. Teach me how to be kind and thoughtful and how to elevate someone’s self-esteem. Gentleness, kindness, and encouragement are indicators of a special strength. Instill that strength within me.

Grow Your Ego

Very often, what makes us act foolishly is our ego. When our egos get inflated, we buy our own press and disregard the facts, or get enamored with our own ideas and stop listening to others. Ego, in the form of vanity, can make us trust a clever sales pitch more than our own reason.

In the tale of The Emperor's New Clothes, the Emperor is vanity personified. He was so exceedingly fond of beautiful new clothes that he spent all his money on being properly dressed, a clear sign of an ego out of control. What are your vanities? What makes you feel attractive, smart or important? It is being on the “A” team, being consulted by someone important, making a lot of money, looking young?

A huge gap exists between a "big" ego and a "strong" ego!

Without much concrete substance, the grandiosity or bravado inherent in big egos might be compared to a balloon--filled to capacity (and with hot air, at that!) and ready to burst (i.e., suddenly and completely deflate) at the slightest prick - Seltzer

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Those with big egos lack inner stability and are more easily upset; tend to be rigid, reactive, dogmatic, and egocentric; simulate self-confidence (rather than truly possess it); display arrogance and a narcissistic sense of entitlement; show deficits in personal integrity; and, perhaps more telling than anything else, demonstrate--when feeling threatened--a surprising weakness, even fragility. Additionally, people with big egos are governed by their neediness.

On the contrary, people with strong egos don't always have to be right, and can readily admit when they're wrong. Great leaders know how to keep their egos in check and avoid such silliness. They have a few trusted advisers, encourage dissent, and listen. Each of us needs a few people who will level with us, whether they are friends, family, or colleagues, or a coach. We do not always need to take their advice, but we do need to pay attention.

photo: "Big Head", Paris (2000)

People with strong egos can be viewed generally as self-confident; secure and emotionally stable; flexible, adaptive, and able to cope well with everyday stresses and frustrations; mature, independent, and resourceful; and authentic.

• People with strong egos genuinely believe in themselves. Therefore they don't require anything like the acknowledgment or recognition that those with big egos must depend upon.
• Far more likely to be givers than takers, and to support others rather than demand support from them, they reveal an openness and trust barely perceptible in those with big egos.
• People with strong egos demonstrate not only the flexibility to appreciate and validate viewpoints other than their own, but to accommodate and integrate them as well. They're able to do so because others' viewpoints aren't personally threatening to them.
• And beyond not feeling invalidated by people who don't share their ideas, they may even solicit divergent points of view in order to become better informed about something.
• Secure in the legitimacy of their own thoughts and feelings, they're not driven from deep within to avoid, resist or deny another's.

It's as though people with strong egos live their lives in expansive mode, whereas people with big egos--feeling so obliged to erect protective safeguards for themselves--are doomed to go through life controlled by all sorts of self-imposed constrictions and constraints. In the end, a strong ego is indistinguishable from a healthy one.

Follow-up Action: Learning how to feel good about ourselves as we are, and beginning to better appreciate our strengths (as well as make peace with our weaknesses), is the ideal way of "growing" our ego to precisely the right size and strength.

Source: http://blogs.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/200809/our-egos-do-they-need-strengthening-or-shrinking

Break Forth into Joy

"It is not how much we have but how much we enjoy"

- Charles Spurgeon

In 2001, my wife and I travelled to a remote part of China to visit a Singaporean friend who was then working in an orphanage home. It was our first visit to China and we were mesmerized by the whole experience - the beautiful sceneries, the simplicity of the natives' life style, and the happiness and joy exhibited by the orphans, despite their many disadvantages.

photo: Lijiang, China 2001

Lijiang is reputed to have the best preserved ancient town in China - its Old Town has been listed in the World Cultural Heritages by UNESCO since 1997. Walking through the Old Town is like being transported back to ancient China - the architecture and mood was very much like the movie setting for Crouching Tiger & Hidden Dragon. Located at the south-western part of China (at the hub of Tibet, Yunnan and Sichuan provinces), Lijiang is blessed with fresh air, clear streams, breathtaking snow-capped mountains, and an undisturbed landscape inhabited by a friendly native group, the Naxi tribe, with their colorful costumes.

During our short 10-day stay, the local teachers and children, most of whom lost their parents and families in a massive earthquake, demonstrated to us what Charles Spurgeon once wrote, "it is not how much we have but how much we enjoy."

crystal clear running stream with willow trees

Someone once wrote,

"Joy, rather than happiness, is the goal of life."

Happiness is determined by fortunate circumstances. We're happy when things are going well for us, when we get what we want, when we're having fun, when we win something, when we have good luck. There's nothing wrong with happiness and we should treasure every moment of it.

photo: the girls teaching her a dance step

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Joy, on the other hand, is a feeling and an attitude of much greater depth. It comes from within, not from circumstances. It's a feeling of deep satisfaction with life. It's also an outlook on life that's closely related to thankfulness.
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Joyful people look at what's right with the world and with the people, instead of what's wrong. They have a special appreciation for all the good they see around them... They see more to be thankful about than to complaint about. They accept life as it is and make the most of it in all circumstances instead of grumbling about the way things ought to be. They find joy both in little things and in grand achievement.
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Did you know: The word "joy" appears at least 155x in the old testament and another 63x in the new testament. The word "rejoice" 32x in the old testament and 18x in the new testament. From this, we can conclude that God wants us to be happy, positive, cheerful, and loving. In other words, joyful.

"This is the day the Lord has made, let us be glad and rejoice in it" - Psalms 118:24

Source: anon

Think Happy Moments

When I think of my past, I try to dwell on the good times, the happy moments, and not to be haunted by the bad... To me the gift of life is contained in the command, ...

... whatever happens "Don't let it get you. Just keep on going." Thus... I try to think of the good that I have already experienced and what will still be coming. - Rose Kennedy.

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photo (left): the neighbor's garden at Happy Valley (2008). Note the pretty pink peony bush in the background. ...

photo: garden statue

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Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense. This day is all that is good and fair. It is too dear, with its hopes and invitations, to waste a moment on the yesterdays.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

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reflection: "look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the Present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy Future, without fear, and with a manly heart." - H.W. Longfellow

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Money Matters

None can deny that money plays an important role in our lives. To the surprise of many, the Bible actually has a great deal to say about money - there are many verses on earning and spending, saving and giving, investing and even wasting our money.

photo: a thrift shop in State College, USA

To those who are not rich, those who want to get rich, and those who are rich - a simple but profound secret for happiness is CONTENTMENT. It is reflected through an attitude of satisfaction, ie. enough is enough, which is opposite from the title of a popular local movie, Money Not Enough. A Greek sage once put it: “to whom little is not enough, nothing is enough.”
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But how do we learn contentment? First, having a current perspective on eternity helps us to quit striving for more… we entered life empty-handed, we leave in the same way. Second, it helps if we boil life down to its essentials: something to eat, something to wear, and a roof over our heads. Everything beyond that we’d do well to consider as extra.

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“The society’s plan of attack is to create dissatisfaction, to convince us that we must be in a constant pursuit for something “out there” that is sure to bring us happiness. When you reduce that lie to its lowest level, it is saying that contentment is impossible without striving for more… Perhaps the most devastating … part of advertising is that it attempts to persuade us that material possessions will bring joy and fulfillment - that happiness is to be attained through limitless material acquisition… Advertisers promise that their products will satisfy our deepest needs and inner longing for love, acceptance, security and sexual intimacy… Advertising has a powerful effect on all of us.” - Charles Swindoll

photo: boalsburg, PA
For those who are rich, the Bible warns: “Instruct them not to be conceited or to fix their hope on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly supplies us with all things to enjoy. Instruct them to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous & ready to share, storing up for themselves the treasures of a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of that which is life indeed" (1 Timothy 6: 17-19).

If you break down the above statements, you will find two negative instructions and one positive instruction.

Don’t be conceited. Proud, snobbish arrogance, and the high-and-mighty importance, have no placed in the life of wealthy Christians. Remember that everything you have come from your heavenly Father.

• Don’t trust in your wealth for your security. In the final analysis, there are many things that no amount of money can buy. Consider this:

Money can buy medicine, but not health.
Money can buy a house, but not a home.
Money can buy companionship, but not friends.
Money can buy entertainment, but not happiness.
Money can buy food, but not an appetite.
Money can buy a bed, but not sleep.
Money can buy a crucifix, but not a Savior.
Money can buy a good life, but not eternal life.

• Become a generous person. Give, give, give, give, give, and give more … Let generosity become your trademark. Be generous with your time, your efforts, your energy, your encouragement, and yes, your money.

Reflection: money has never yet made anyone rich.

Source: Charles Swindoll (1982) “Strengthening Your Grip on Money”.

Success & Fulfillment

What is the difference between success and fulfillment?

Photo: Statue at Penn State Biz School

In her book If Success is a Game, These are the Rules, Cherie Carter-Scott notes that success is measured primarily by standards outside ourselves, while fulfillment is assessed internally. No one can deem you fulfilled except you. However, the world, with its objective criteria, can and does judge you as successful if you measure up to its standard.

Success: “If the world judges you as successful, it means either that you have realized your own goals and expectations or that you have exceeded normal, average standards held by the majority of people. Accomplishments are the main barometer the world uses to measure success: breaking records, amassing fortunes, being the first to do something, or changing current mind-sets all qualify. Being the best at something, conquering, curing, breaking through some barrier, all deem one eligible to enter the hallowed halls of success.”

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Photo: Penn State campus
Fulfillment, however, is quite different: “Fulfillment is a feeling that comes from within your soul that radiates through your being. It is the feeling of deep satisfaction and contentment you experience at the end of the day when you lie in bed before drifting off into sleep, knowing in your heart and your bones that you have met or exceeded your expectations of yourself. To be fulfilled means to be ‘filled full’ with a sense of well-being.

What comes to mind for you when you think about "success"?

What are the images you see? Do you imagine reaching the apex of your profession? Or do you imagine amassing great wealth? Does it mean seeing your face on the cover of national magazines or reading your name in Who's Who? For some people, success may be any one or all of these.

Photo: Penn State Honor Code

For others, it may be something entirely different. To some success looks like a grand achievement, to others it resembles daily rewards, and still others measure it as the accomplishment of an underlying life mission such as raising socially responsible children, or simply living ethically, honorably, or according to their values and conscience.

Success can be assessed externally by observers evaluating whether you have met a standard established by society; however, at the end of the day, there is either a peaceful feeling within you or there is emptiness. The peaceful feeling signals that you have lived up to your expectations and personal visions for yourself. The emptiness is a clue that you were striving toward a definition of success and fulfillment that was never really yours to begin with.

Reflection: What good is it for a man to gain the whole world,
and yet lose or forfeit his very self? (Luke 9:25)

Source: Cherie Carter-Scott (2000) If Success is a Game, These are the Rules – Ten rules for a fulfilling life.

Snow Sledding

We ate at the Chinese takeaway today. Usually, after the meal, you are given a fortune cookie. Mine read, "you will never regret the present, you live life to its fullest!". It also came with a set of "lucky numbers", 3, 22, 24, 27, 28,29.

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So, when is the last time you "jumped in" to anything? Honestly, can you remember the last time you broke with routine and did something unusual?

Slab Cabin Park at 316 Elmwood Street. During the winter, especially after a few inches of snow fall, you will find families converging to this hill for sledding.

So far, we have visited this community park twice. The first time, we went on our own. The second time, we went with our neighbors and bumped into another neighbor and a church friend there.

If you have not tried it, sledding down a hill is crazy fun. It is a little harmless, although we have seen a kid ended up in the stream b'cos the sled was travelling at a very high speed.

The habit of always putting off an experience until you can afford it, or until the time is right, or until you know how to do it is one of the greatest burglars of joy. Be deliberate, but once you've made up your mind, jump in! - Tim Hansel

click to play video

What are you doing to keep the cutting edge of your life razor sharp? Perhaps another way to ask that is for what are you waiting? Or for whom are you waiting? How many burglars of joy do you allow to break through the doors and windows of your life to rob you of fun, the challenge of living life to the fullest?

To live on the dull edge is really to become a slave to life. Is that happening to us? Are we allowing someone or something to enslave us, so that we will live our lives and ultimately pass from time to eternity without ever discovering who we are? Some do. That's not living. That's existing.

Source: Charles Swindoll, living on th ragged edge, pp.338-9.

Perspective

One the perils of having a career in academia is that you are never a thought away from your work. Physically, you may be at home, but your mind is constantly actively, thinking about THE RESEARCH. So, apart from the time when you are sleeping, you are never completely off you work. Even then, some still think about work in their dreams!

So, I try to set aside Saturday mornings for my rest and relaxation. Usually I will read a book that is not related to my work, purely for relaxation and to take my mind off my research. Over the past six months or so, I am truly amazed by the number of books I have read. Today, I spent the time studying the bible and digging deeper into the statement I made in my previous entry, i.e. "everything in life is relative".

In his book, Growing Strong in the Seasons of Life, Charles Swindoll shared this story about a pretty sharp girl who had two problems common to many students: low grades and no money. She had to communicate both to her parents, who she knew would have trouble understanding. After considerable thought, she used a creative approach to soften the blows of reality and wrote:

Dear Mom and Dad,

Just thought I'd drop you a note to clue you in on my plans. I've fallen in love with a guy named Jim. He quit high school after grade eleven to get married. About a year ago, he got a divorce. We've been going steady for two months and plan to get married in the fall. Until then, I've decided to move into his apartment (I think I am pregnant). At any rate, I dropped out of school last week, although I like to finish college sometime in the future.

On the next page, she continued: Mom and Dad, I just want you to know that everything I've written so far in this letter is false. NONE of it is true. But Mom and Dad, it IS true I got a C in French and flunked Math. It IS true that I'm going to need some money for my tuition payments.

So, even bad news can sound like good news if it is seen from a certain vantage point. Hence, so much in life depends on "where you're coming from" as you face your circumstances. The secret, of course, is perspective! The American Heritage Dictionary, which defines perspective as follows: A mental view or outlook; the relationship of aspects of a subject to each other and to a whole (in the proper perspective); the ability to perceive things in their actual interrelations or comparative importance.

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My former principal once shared this quotation on the power of having a right perspective:

“Two men look out the same prison bars; one sees mud and the other stars.”

This was his explanation: Both men were stuck in the same situation. Both looked out, but the one who saw mud was looking down b'cos he was downcast, whilst the other who saw stars was looking up, towards the sky. Whilst our future and destiny are often out of our control, we still have a choice come what may. Particularly, when things don't go our way, which perspective would I embrace? Give Up or Look Up?

“I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars.”

- Og Mandino -

We Worry Too Much

The picture below was taken by one of my ex-students who visited Mongolia in September 2007. What do you see in the picture? Play or Danger? Fun or Fear? The answer depends on which perspective you are coming from; that of an adult or a child.

Can you remember when life was joyful? When we were younger, we were ignorant of many things. But we were happy. “I neither expected much nor needed much. Life was meant to be enjoyed, not endured. When did everything get so serious?” , asked Swindoll (p.11). He answer? When we become an adult, we are told that we need to be responsible, and this includes “... living in a world of reality, and not everything in the real world is funny. Some things are extremely difficult." ... Adulthood being synonymous with responsibility, and reality includes difficulty; thus, we have no business enjoying life.

Yesterday, I came across a tongue-in-cheek article, "How to Waste Your Time this Year?" in which five proven time-wasters were presented. That’s right, if you follow the author's advice, you will make absolutely no progress this year. Guaranteed! On top of the list of the time-wasters is:

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Photo: Courtesy of CHZ (Mongolia, Sep 07)

Worry a lot.

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Start worrying earlier in the morning and intensify your anxiety energy as the day passes.

He even provides some tips if you are short on a supply of things to worry about?

• Check the newspaper, television, or Internet. You’ll have enough bad news, doomsday reports, human tragedies, and late-breaking calamities to keep your heart and mind churning all through the night.
• Something he has found helpful is to do a lot of reflecting on your failures and mistakes. If you’re a parent, think long and hard about what you should or could have done for your children. That will give guilt the green light it’s been waiting for. To add a touch of variety, you might also call to mind some things you should not have done. Regret fuels worry in many creative ways.
• Make a list of the things you don’t like about your marriage or your job.
• Consider the possibility of a leaky roof, car trouble, and aging.
• Hanging around negative people is another secret you won’t want to forget this new year.
  

"If you plan all this right, you’ll be loaded with a full pack of worries long before February comes. Start now! Those potential ulcers need fresh acid" - Charles Swindoll

Really, who wants to do that? No one aims to run in circles—it just happens. So, let’s get serious. Beware of the time-wasters! Instead, pray more than worry. Be flexible. Give more. Be content with the way God made you. And let the oil of forgiveness loosen your grip on those grudges. In other words, make this year your most productive ever.

Source: http://www.insight.org/site/News2?page=NewsArticle&id=9033&news_iv_ctrl=1961

Photo: No worry, peaceful Froggy

Scripture for the Day: Philippians 4: 6-7

Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything; tell God your needs and don't forget to thank him for his answers. If you do this you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will keep your thoughts and your hearts quiet and at rest as you trust in Christ Jesus.

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Watch children running around the playground and you will soon be thinking, “they’re having so much fun”. Why aren’t you having more fun? Children run around and play as if by instinct. They do not question whether they should have fun, they just go out and do it. Adults have responsibilities, we are serious. Sometimes children know better than we do. Having a little fun, a time for pure silliness and happiness, is an essential part of everyday (Niven, p. 148).

Reference:

Swindoll, C. (1992) Laugh Again – Experience Outrageous Joy.

Phineas the Fish

Let me to introduce you to Phineas, the Siamese fish. Owned by our landlord and left to our care, Phineas is very easy to maintain - feed it every other day and change the water as and when the tank becomes cloudy. He likes distilled water, though!

Can you imagine living like Phineas? On the plus side, you don’t need to worry about what you will eat or wear! But, no playmates and others to talk to? From a human perspective, the life of a fish seems so meaningless; swimming from one end of the tank to the other. Well, thankfully, Phineas does not think so because he has been wired to live in the present. No worry, no anticipation of what will happen next!

Daniel Gilbert, the author of Stumbling on HAPPINESS, which I am currently reading, share a gory but true story to highlight a key difference between the brain of human beings and animals - unlike animals, our brain have a huge frontal lobe - the part that helps us to live for the future. Co-incidentally, the guy in the story is also named Phineas! http://www.randomhouse.com/kvpa/gilbert/

PART I
Phineas P. Gage was a foreman working on the construction of a railroad track outside the small town of Cavendish, Vermont. One of his duties involved filling the hole with gunpowder, adding a fuse, and then packing in sand with the aid of a large tamping iron. On a lovely autumn day in 1848 (Sep 13), Gage was momentarily distracted and forgot to pour the sand into one hole. Thus, when he went to tamp the sand down, the tamping iron sparked against the rock and ignited the gunpowder, causing the iron to be blown through Gage's head with such force that it landed almost thirty yards (27 meters) behind him. The three foot (1 m) long tamping iron with a diameter of 1.25 inches (3.2 cm) weighing thirteen and a half pounds (6.12 kg) entered his skull below his left cheek bone and exited through the top of his skull, boring a tunnel through his brain and taking a good chunk of frontal lobe with it.

Then, to everyone’s astonishment, he stood up and asked if a coworker might escort him to the doctor, insisting all the while that he didn’t need a ride and could walk himself. The doctor cleaned some dirt from the wound, a coworker cleaned some brain from the rod, and in a relatively short while, Phineas and his rod were back about their business

His personality took a decided turn for the worse, but the most striking thing about Phineas was just how normal he otherwise was. Had the rod made hamburger of another brain part, then Phineas might have died, gone blind, lost the ability to speak, or spent the rest of his life doing a convincing impression of a cabbage. Instead, for the next 12 years, he lived, spoke, worked and travel so uncabbagely that neurologists could only conclude that the frontal lobe did little for a fellow that he couldn’t get along nicely without.

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PART II

In the 1930s, a Portuguese physician named Antonio Egas Moniz was looking for a way to quiet his highly agitated psychotic patients when he heard about a new surgical procedure called frontal lobotomy, which involved the destruction of parts of the frontal lobe. This procedure has been performed on monkeys, who were normally quite angry when their food was withheld, but who reacted to such indignities with unruffled patience after experiencing the operation. Egas tried this procedure on human patients and found that it had a similar calming effect. This won him the Nobel Prize for Medicine in 1949.

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Over the next few decades, surgical techniques were improved and unwanted side effects were diminished. The destruction of some part of the frontal lobe became a standard treatment for cases of anxiety and depression that resisted other form of therapy. Contrary to the conventional medical wisdom of the previous century, the frontal lobe did make a difference. The difference was that some folks seemed better off without it.

PART III

Although patients with frontal lobe damage often performed well on standard intelligence tests, memory tests, and the like, they showed severe impairments on any test – even the simplest test – that involved planning. These patients might function reasonably well in ordinary situations, drinking tea without spilling and make small talk, but they found it practically impossible to say what they would do later that afternoon. Now, this pair of observations – that damage to certain parts of the frontal lobe can make people feel calm but that it can also leave them unable to plan – seem to converge on a single conclusion. What is the conceptual tie that binds anxiety and planning? Both, of course, are intimately connected to thinking about the future.

Thus, this frontal lobe – the last part of the human brain to evolve, the slowest to mature, and the first to deteriorate in old age – is a time machine that allows each of us to vacate the present and experience the future before it happens. No other animal has a frontal lobe quite like ours, which is why we are the only animal that thinks about the future as we do.

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Gage kept the rod which damaged him as a souvenir throughout his life, and it was buried with him in death. In 1867, when his skeleton was exhumed, the original rod was thus available with it. His skull is currently part of the permanent exhibition at Harvard Medical School’s Warrant Anatomical Museum in Boston, Massachusetts.

Women are not as Happy!

Following my previous blog on happiness, my wife referred me to an interesting article in the New York Times (Sept 26, 2007). Entitled "A Reversal in the Index of Happy", it reports the findings of two new research papers on happiness.
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One is a working paper by Betsey Stevenson and Justin Wolfers, economists at Uni. of Pennsylvania. The other is a research paper which will be published in the Brookings Papers on Economic Activity. It is authored by a Princeton economist (Alan Krueger), who has worked with four psychologists onthe research.

Whilst the two studies employed different methodologies, their findings are similar. In gist, "since the 70s, men have passed women in contentment". There appears to be a growing happiness gap between men and women. Some other interesting points mentioned in the article:

1. Since the 1960s, men have gradually cut back on activities they find unpleasant. They now work less and relax more. Over the same span, women have replaced housework with paid work - and as a result, are spending almost as much time doing things they don't enjoy in the past.
2. "The second shift" theory (Hochschild, 1989) hypothesizes that modern women are less happy because they effectively had to hold down two jobs. The first shift was at the office, and the second at home.
3. What seems to be the most likely explanation for the happiness trends - is that women now have a much longer to-do list than they once did. They can't possibly get it all done, and many end up feeling as if they somehow fall short.

There is no question that the research have their limitations. Afterall, happiness is highly subjective. But who is to be blamed for the rising unhappiness of modern women?

• Modern women are more ambitious. A big reason that women reported being happier three decades ago - despite far more discrimination, is probably that they had narrower ambitions. Many compared themselves only to other women, rather than to men as well.


• Although women have flooded into the work force, the society hasn't fully come to grips with the change. The goverment should introduce more policies which are friendly towards the modern women, such as a pro-working mother policy.

But women, society and government policy are not to be blamed entirely. Inside of families, men still haven't figured out how to shoulder their fair share of the household burden. Instead, they are spending more time on the phone and in front of the television. Perhaps, this weekend, men should consider volunteering to do a little of dusting in the house.

Man, help increase your woman's happiness index!

T.G.I.F.

Why TGIF? Why not TGIM, or TGIT? What is so special about Friday?

Well, Friday is Friday! It is dress down day! We can be casual on Fridays! It marks the end of a working week. Not just an ordinary week, but one in which we have worked hard like a dog. It's time for us to look forward to a well deserved good weekend; "stop working like a dog and start sleeping like a log."

Riddle: Do you know why the devils celebrate TGIF in Hell? Thank God it's FRYday!

In Happy Valley, Fridays are also special days for two other reasons:

(1) Farmers' Market - the day when we buy fresh produce directly from the farmers. A section of the downtown road is closed for the farmers to set up their stalls, just like "pasar malam" in Singapore; except that fresh produce, fruits, flowers, cakes, bread, conserve etc. are sold here. It is a very vibrant place, colorful and cheery! Unlike the wet markets back home, the farmers' market is very clean. We also get to see Amish farmers in their traditional costumes.

(2) Garbage Day - Here, the gabbage is collected once a week. Thankfully, the weather here is cool. Otherwise, imagine how the gabbage will smell if they are left uncollected for a week in S'pore! We have to bring out the rubbish bins to the road side and separate the refuse into those that are considered truly garbage and those that can be recycled.

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A good reminder: (1) Not to carry any baggage from the past. Periodically, take time to clear junk from our lives. (2) Not all bad things that happened to us are really 'bad'. Some can be recycled for our good, if only we learn to recognize them and treat them in a positive way. As they say, a bad experience can either make you into a "bitter" or "better" person. The choice is yours!

What is the secret of happiness? In their search for happiness, most people focus on the IF part of the T.G.I.F. "I will only be happy if this and this happens". Usually, when that "if" is fulfilled, there will be another "if", and then, another one after that. It just goes on and on and on .... True contentment does not rest on IF... Matthews, the author of a popular happiness book (which have nice cartoons in it as well) said that "it is not what happens to you that determines your happiness. It’s how you think about what happens to you (p.27)".

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My Conviction: I am convinced that the key to true happiness lies in the TG part of T.G.I.F. Listen to what Matthews say, "When you are thankful for what you have – for the friends you have, and for the things you’ve got – you attract more good people and good things. Be happy with what you have now" (p.67). Another author says, "Count our blessings and name them one by one. An attitude of gratitude rids our lives of the film of frustration, the rust of resentment and the varnish of vanity – all destroyers of self esteem." - B. Johnson (1992) Author of "Splashes of Joy"

I am reminded of an old song we used to sing in church,

I will rejoice, I will rejoice
I will rejoice for I’ve made my choice to rejoice in the Lord

It doesn’t depend on the circumstance
The strength of my arm or my voice
It doesn’t depend on the way I feel
I’ve made up my mind and I’m gonna rejoice.

Thank God for his blessings: Most find their happiness from the outside in. Blessed are those who can find happiness from the inside out. Oh God, I am truly blessed!