Born Loser

The Americans just celebrated their Thanksgiving this week. How fast time flies! Last year, this time, we celebrated Thanksgiving Day by roasting a turkey as well as dining with the Higgins in State College.

I also received some jokes through the e-mail from a former student. ABUYA reminds me very much of Born Loser. Enjoy!

AYUBA bought a new mobile.He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,'My Mobile No. Has changed.Earlier it was Nokia 3310.. Now it is 6610'
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AYUBA : I am Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
AYUBA: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him
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AYUBA: Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
AYUBA : Can I take it tomorrow, tonight is final game.
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AYUBA : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
AYUBA : No, I'll also stay with your sister.
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AYUBA : People consider me as a 'GOD'
Wife: How do you know??
AYUBA : When I went to the Park today, everybody said,Oh GOD! U have come again..
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AYUBA complained to the police: 'Sir, all items are missing,except the TV in my house.'
Police: 'How the thief did not take TV?'
AYUBA : 'I was watching TV news...'
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AYUBA comes back 2 his car & find a note saying 'Parking Fine'.
He writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for compliment.'

How do you recognize AYUBA in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
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Once AYUBA was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other. So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
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AYUBA in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and
Says 'Hello, how did you know I was here?'
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AYUBA : Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
AYUBA - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?
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Teacher: 'I killed a person' convert this sentence into future tense
AYUBA : The future tense is 'u will go to jail'
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AYUBA told his servant: 'Go and water the plants!'
Servant: 'It's already raining.'
AYUBA : 'So what? Take an umbrella and go.

Husband

Today, is BMW DAY! It is the 18th anniversary of my proposal, "Will you Be My Wife (BMW)?". Refer to last year's posting "Memories of Love" on the significance of 28 Nov 1990 to Singapore as a nation and to us as a couple: http://happyvalley-prof.blogspot.com/2007/11/memories-of-love.html

file photo: 3rd wedding anniversary (1995)

Not long after we were married, my wife gave me a small card, which is now framed and placed in my office. Entitled Husband, the card reads,

photo: State College (2008)

A good man

is hard to find,

a good husband

harder yet.

But I found both

and married him,

the best I ever met.

He's given me freely

the best years

of his life.

So I happily commit myself

to being his loving wife.

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A romantic song which I have chosen to mark this 18th BMW anniversay is "It Might be You". The song ends with the chorus, "Maybe it's you..., maybe it's you..., I've been waiting for all of my life." Sung by Stephen Bishop, it was the theme song of the 1982 film Tootsie, starring Dustin Hoffman and Jessica Lange. The song became a popular song played at weddings during the 1980s. Below is the lyrics of the song and a video clip

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Time...

I've been passing time watching trains go by,

All of my life...

Lying on the sand, watching seabirds fly

Wishing there would be

Someone waiting home for me...

Chorus:

Something's telling me it might be you

It's telling me it might be you...

All of my life...

Looking back as lovers go walking past...

All of my life...

Wondering how they met and what makes it last

If I found the place

Would I recognize the face?

[click to play, but remember to pause the IMEEM background music first].

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Chorus:

Something's telling me it might be you

It's telling me it might be you...

All of my life...

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Bridge:

So many quiet walks to take

So many dreams to wake

And we've so much love to make

I think we're gonna need some time

Maybe all we need is time...

And it's telling me it might be you

All of my life...

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I've been saving love songs and lullabies

And there's so much more

No one's ever heard before...

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Chorus:

Something's telling me it might be you

It's telling me it might be you... All of my life... (3x's)

Maybe it's you... Maybe it's you... I've been waiting for all of my life.

Taking Criticisms from Hypocrites

As I was packing my room this morning, a small piece of paper fell out from a note book. It reads,

“There will always be someone who will show you how good they are, and how stupid you are… But if these people are out in the real world, I tell you, ‘they won’t last until 4 pm!’”

photo: PennState library

No, it’s not one of those quirky quotes you get from a fortune cookie when you eat in a Chinese restaurant in the US. Rather, it was in my own handwriting. I remember scribbling these words down on a piece of paper during one of the econometric classes I attended during my sabbatical in Penn State. At the start of one of the lessons, the professor warned his students of the perils awaiting them in the academia world. In particular, he related an incident which happened to him on the first day he joined the university. I don’t have to elaborate but I am sure you can imagine the scene, and most probably, have encountered it yourself.

According to Charles Swindoll, some people just have a ‘gift of criticism’. They are amazing! They can tell you three things wrong with your life each week. And they faithfully carry out the exercise of their gifting! They are quick to censure the faults of others. But not aware of their own faults, they are unfit to help to reform others. “Isn’t it absurd to be so quick-sighted as to pick up small faults in others, when they themselves can’t perceive their own faults?” Hypocrites, as Jesus taught his disciples,

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“Why quibble about the speck in someone else’s eyes – his little fault – when a plank is in your own?”

So, how do we respond to criticisms that come our way? .

Perhaps, it is worthwhile to remember the following:

If someone belittles you, he is only trying to cut you down to his size. The bible says the devil is the accuser of the brethren.

You can always tell a failure by the way he criticizes success. Small minds are the first to condemn great ideas. Those who can – do. Those who can’t – criticize. Those who complain about the way the ball bounces are often the ones who dropped it.

Fear of criticism is the kiss of death in the courtship of achievements. If you are afraid of criticism, you’ll die doing nothing. A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him.


source: J.L. Mason "Enemy called Average"

I'm a University Professor

I received an e-mail from a student from Vietnam today. Glancing quickly at the heading of the e-mail, I thought it was strange to receive a "Happy Teachers' Day" greeting at this time of the year. Apparently, Nov 20 is Teachers' Day in Vietnam.

"Boy, am I glad that I’m a university professor!"

- Randy Pausch

Below is a shorter video clip of an interview with Randy

[ remember to stop/pause the IMEEM music in the background ]

Below are some inspiration I noted from watching Randy's Last Lecture.

A mentor once told him, “it’s such a shame that people perceive you as so arrogant, because it’s going to limit what you’re going to accomplish.” Randy's comment, "what a hell of a good way to say, 'you’re being a jerk'."

The same mentor told him, "You’re such a good salesman, … you might as well be selling something worthwhile, like education."

The reason you all should be professors:

Enabling the childhood dreams of others!

That’s the best gift an educator can give – to get somebody to become self reflective.

The best way to teach somebody something is to have them think they are learning something else. His goal was to develop a program whereby million of kids learning something hard whilst having fun!

Most of what we learn, we learn indirectly... We can learn from our students.

Give the kids the chance to have some kind of excitement putting on a show for people who will then become excited about it. That’s one of the best thing you give somebody – the chance to show then what it feels like to make others people excited or happy.

photo: Retail Seminar at Suntec City (2005)

One final quote from the desk-top calendar, "We can't help but get the best from our students when each day we're giving them the very best of ourselves."

The Last Lecture

“We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.” — Randy Pausch

“The Last Lecture” is a series of talks where university professors are asked to consider their demise and to ruminate on what matters most to them.

Randy Pausch (left), a computer science professor at Carnegie Mellon, was asked to give such a lecture on September 18, 2007. Unlike other speakers, Professor Pausch didn’t have to imagine it as his last as he had had recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer. But the lively, energetic and funny lecture he gave — “Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams”— wasn’t really about dying. Instead, the lecture was about the importance of overcoming obstacles, of enabling the dreams of others, of seizing every moment (as “time is all you have...and you may find one day that you have less than you think”). It was about living a full life.

Randy’s lecture has become a phenomenon. It has been watched on youtube by more than 7.8 million viewers. The lecture was expanded into a book which has sold more than 3 million copies. Sadly, Randy lost his battle to pancreatic cancer on July 25th, 2008, but his legacy will continue to inspire us all, for generations to come.

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If you have some time, do watch Randy’s last lecture…

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Initially he was hesitant to give the lecture… but in the end he decided to give the lecture, because it would be an opportunity to create something for his children to watch when they were older. He wanted his last lecture to be part of his legacy to his children. In the preface to his book, Randy writes,

"I knew what I was doing that day, under the ruse of giving an academic lecture, I was trying to put myself in a bottle that would one day wash up on the beach for my children."

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reflection: Consider what would be your last lecture. What wisdom would you impart to the world if you knew it was your last chance? If you had to vanish tomorrow, what would you want as your legacy?

Sources: http://www.thelastlecture.com/ & http://www.dannold.com/

A Reed Swayed by the Wind

This week it was my turn to share my daily devotion at the CG meeting. I choose to reflect on a question Jesus asked, “what did you go out in the desert to see? A reed swayed by the wind?...” (Luke 7:24-26) . So, pardon me if you find this posting spiritual.
photo: frozen pond at Harvest Field, State College (2007)
The question was obviously referring to John the Baptist,* who was definitely not a reed swayed by the wind. If only he could have bowed like a reed to Herod, and have complied with the court, he might have been a favorite there; but alas, none of these things moved him. And because he held steadfast to his calling and refused to comprise his principles, he lost his head literally.

To the reed, it doesn’t matter which direction the wind blows. It will just sway along, first in one direction and then in another, shifting with every wind. In today’s context, this is a virtue! “Flexibility” is the name of the game. Don't get me wrong, I am not against flexibility. Indeed, I have taught my students, "since future needs and lifestyles cannot be anticipated with great accuracy, it is important to provide flexible designs which allow convertibility from one function to another".

However, in a spiritual context, it is not good to waver in one's faith. Christians are exhorted to be persistent. Persevere for a worthy cause ... Don’t give up when you know what is the right thing to do. James 1:6 cautions, “a doubtful mind will be unsettled as a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind; and every decision you then make will be uncertain, as you turn first this way, and then that.”

However, there is a fine line between being "persistent" and being "stubborn". Most would agree that the first is commended, but the second is bad. So, how do we differentiate them? Both involve a refusal to listen, a refusal to change one's perspective! In my opinion, a key difference is "the cause", i.e. the motivation. An author wrote "if the goal is personal honor or gain, persistency may be no more than stubbornness." Another difference I think has to do with the heart. Pride is the twin sister of stubbornness.

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photo: Hofstra University, USA (2008)...

reflection: Stubbornness can blind a person to the truth.

“Time and time again, God had sent prophets to warn them of how far they had turned away from him and to call them back. But they would not listen and were as stiff-necked as their fathers, who did not trust God… They rejected his decrees. " (2 Kings 17: 13-15)

"I have called you so often but still you won't come. I have pleaded, but all in vain. For you have spurned my counsel and reproof. Some day you'll be in trouble... For you closed your eyes to the facts and did not choose to reverence and trust the Lord..." (Proverbs 1:24-29)

*A Short Biography of John the Baptist
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The story of John the Baptist is told in the Gospels. John was the cousin of Jesus, and his calling was to prepare the way for the coming of the Messiah. He lived in the wilderness of Judea between Jerusalem and the Dead Sea. He was dressed in clothes made of camel's hair and had a leather belt around his waist. He lived in the desert and ate locusts and wild honey.

John went through all the country around the Jordan calling for a change in religious life. He preached a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins. Crowds of people came confessing their sins and he baptized them in the Jordan River. Jesus was also baptized by John.

John always spoke the truth, even when people didn't want to hear it. He fearlessly confronted King Herod Antipas with the evil things he had done. In particular, John denounced the incestuous union of Herod with his niece and brother’s wife, Herodias. Eventually, this stand for the truth cost John his life.

source: LAB & http://gardenofpraise.com/bibl36s.htm

I Resign!

"Life tends to move faster and become more complicated the older I get. But I find that I'm better able to deal with the fast pace of life when I return to the basics for extended periods of time." - Charles Swindoll

Last Sunday, the preacher shared a poem with the congregation. It was such a funny one that I made a note to remind myself to search for it on the internet. The title of the poem is "I Resign!", but the author is unknown. Hope it will brighten your day - remember the Simple Things in Life. I can't think of any better pictures to accompany this poem than Calvin and Hobbes, my favorite cartoon characters.

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I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult.
I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year-old again.
I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant.
I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make a sidewalk with rocks.
I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them.
I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer's day.

I want to return to a time when life was simple; When all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn't bother you, because you didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't care. All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset.

I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good.
I want to believe that anything is possible.
I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again.
I want to live simple again. I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of loved ones.

I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow.
So . . . here's my checkbook and my car-keys, my credit card bills and my 401K statements.
I am officially resigning from adulthood.

And if you want to discuss this further, you'll have to catch me first, cause........ ....."Tag! You're it."

"Lose-Lose" Mentality

“Bee gets angry. Bee stings. Bee dies.”

The above photo was taken during my recent visit to the HortPark. As my camera has a limited zoom power, I had to stand very close to the flowers to take the shot. My wife was worried and kept on warning me not to get to close to the bee. Any fear of being stung by the bee was subdued by my eagerness to take a good photo. Anyway, I read that a bee only stings under two conditions, namely to protect the colony or when frightened.

My wife's concern was understandable because a few months ago, I was stung by a wasp. It was a totally unprovoked attack. And of all places, it happened in our apartment. I didn't even know a "kamikaze" hornet could fly up to 8th floor! Time: around 8 pm. I was sitting on the couch watching a tv program when I suddenly felt an intense pain on my neck. I knew straightaway that I had been bitten by an insect. I quickly used some ice cubes to reduce the swelling. Fearful that it may lead to allergic reaction, which could be fatal in some cases, my wife insisted that I consult a doctor. We, therefore, went to a local clinic immediately and by then, the swelling has more or less subsided. The doctor advised us to monitor the swelling and that I should come back again if I show any symptoms of adverse reaction.

I remember going to bed that night wondering if I would wake-up the next day with some super powers! Who knows? Perhaps like Spiderman, I may have been bitten by a radioactive insect, which then transmit its special powers to me? But alas, till now, I am no superhero. I still can't fly or sting like a bee!

internet photo: dying bee

Why Does A Bee Die When It Stings? Only honey bees (the female worker bees) die after stinging their victim. When she stings, the barbs cause the stinger, glands and all, to be ripped from her body, she dies from the injury.

This brings me to what I want to share today: What happens when two “win-lose” people get together?

Stephen Covey suggests that when two determined, stubborn, ego-invested individuals interact – the result will be lose-lose. Both will lose. Both will become vindictive and want to “get back” or “get even,” blind to the fact that murder is suicide, that revenge is a two-edged sword.

In his book, he recounted the sad story of a divorce in which the husband was directed by the judge to sell the assets and turn over half of the proceeds to his ex-wife. In compliance, he sold a car worth over $10,000 for $50 and gave $25 to the wife. When the wife protested, the court clerk checked on the situation and discovered that the husband was proceeding in the same manner systematically through all of the assets.

There is an article in the newspaper yesterday which reported on the high rate of murders amongst the Chinese nationals residing in Singapore. Covey wrote that "some people become so centered on an enemy, so totally obsessed with the behavior of another people that they become blind to everything except their desire for that person to lose, even if it means losing themselves". Lose-lose is the philosophy of adversarial conflict, the philosophy of war.

Lose-lose is also the philosophy of the highly dependent person without inner direction who is miserable and thinks everyone else should be, too.

“If nobody ever wins, perhaps being a loser isn’t so bad.”

It's so sad. So, sad. .. Do you know that every act of retaliation brings another? It is the boomerang that cannot be thrown without cost to the thrower. Revenge is an uncontrollable monster!

Spiritual reflection: Whilst our desire for justice may be right, our ways of achieving it is usually wrong. When we are tricked or hurt by others, it is ok to nurse our wounds, but plotting revenge makes us unable to see from God's perspective. On our part, the revenge cycle can only be halted by forgiveness. When tempted to return evil for evil, leave revenge to God.

Note: Do bees really die after they sting or is this a myth? For a good answer, visit: http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/21788. The short answer is wasps do not, nor do bumble bees. Only the female worker bees can sting and die.

A Scenic Walk: HortPark

"This story begins at the end... it might seem strange to start a story with an ending. But all endings are also beginnings. We just don't know it at the time."- Mitch Albom

THE END!

Still smiling at the end of our 2-hour hike!

Last Sunday, our cell group* organized a hiking. The journey begins at HortPark, which is Southeast Asia's first one-stop centre for gardening-related recreational, educational, research and retail activities in a park setting. The meeting time was 4 pm.

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We took time to smell the flowers.

Our hike starts at the Alexandra Arch. At night, the bridge dazzles with colour changing LED lights.

photo: Alexandra Arch, with its curved deck and tilted arch, is designed to span the Alexandra Road like an open leaf.

On the other side is Gillman Village, a former British military camp in the early 20th century is now home to an eclectic mix of restaurants, pubs and art galaries. We then walked on an elevated walkway called The Forest Walk (1.3 km), which meanders some 50 metres through the secondary forest of Telok Blangah Hill.

photo: the raised walkway with heights ranging from 3 to 18 metres brushes the canopy of trees and offers a bird's eye view of the forest.

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photo: A stunning 360-degree view of S'pore from the hilltop

30 mins later, we reached The Terrace Garden, which is situated at the top of the Telok Blangah Hill Park. It has a series of semi-circular terraces arrayed with purple bougainvilleas.

After taking a short break, we continued our hike towards the Henderson Waves. At 36 metres above Henderson Road, it is the highest pedestrian bridge in Singapore. It connects the two hills of Telok Blangah Hill and Mount Faber. The bridge has a unique wave-form made up of seven undulating curved steel "ribs" that alternately rise over and under its deck.

photo: The curved "ribs" form alcoves that functions as shelters with seats within.

The Henderson Waves joins the Faber Walk, which meanders through Mount Faber Park. At 106 m tall, Mount Faber is also the second highest hill in Singapore.

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We took another break at the cable car station on Mount Faber (Jewel Box). Most of us were impressed by both the spectacular view as well as the decor in the toilets. Personally, I would rate it as the "best" public toilet in Singapore!

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photo: The slopes of this 56-hectare park are covered by dense secondary rain forest, and are home to many interesting plants and fauna.

After that, it was an easy downhill hike along steps and shaded footpaths, again through secondary forest. Thankfully, we were descending. Going the other way would mean climbing an elevation of 70 meters (or the equivalent of a 24-storey building).

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The Marang Trail ends at Marang Rd, which is just behind the Harbourfront MRT Station. We headed straight to VivoCity's Food Republic where I rewarded myself with a "sinful" plate of chicken nasi briyani & "teh halia" (ginger tea).

* cell group is a small group of Christians from the same church gathering together in the home of one of the members. Cell groups in our church are called Covenant Group, or CG, in short. In addition to worshipping collectively in the church building on Sundays, the CGs meet weekly at various homes spread across Singapore. CGs are intended to personalize Christian fellowship and forsters accountability, bonding and discipleship. Our CG meets on Saturday in Jurong West, from 4.00 - 6.00 pm. As Christians, and as part of God's family, we make a commitment to gather together to share our faith and to strengthen one another in the Lord. As you can see, it is not all serious! We know how to enjoy as well! :)

"Let us not give up meeting together, ..., but let us
encourage one another." - Heb 10:25

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Source of information: national parks' brochure on southern ridges

"Win-Lose" Mentality

In the book of Genesis (30:43 – 31:1), it was recorded that Jacob grew exceedingly prosperous… But Jacob noticed that Laban’s attitude towards him was not what it had been. Jacob even heard Laban’s sons saying,

photo: Delgrosso Park, PA (2007)

“Jacob has taken everything our father owned and has gained all this wealth from what belonged to our father.”

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What happened was that Jacob's wealth made Laban's sons jealous. In some ways, we are no different from Laban's sons. When others are doing better than we are, why is it difficult for us to be happy?Our pride is hurt when someone else succeeds where we have failed. We are warned that to compare our success with that of others is a dangerous way to judge our lives. This is because when we compare ourselves to others, we may be giving jealousy a foothold. Some say we can avoid jealousy by rejoicing in others' successes, but this is easier said than done, particularly if your perspective is clouded by a "scarcity mentality" (c.f. posting on Oct 1, 2008)!

This brings me to the Win-Lose paradigm, which says ‘If I win, you lose.” In leadership style, Win-Lose is the authoritarian approach: “I get my way; you don’t get yours.” Win-Lose people are prone to use position, power, credentials, possessions, or personality to get their way.

photo: "enter if you dare", State College Downtown (2008)

Stephen Covey, author of the best selling "7 Habits of Highly Effective People", wrote that: most people have been deeply scripted in the Win-Lose mentality since birth.

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First and most important of the powerful forces at work is the family. When one child is compared with another – when patience, understanding or love is given or withdrawn on the basis of such comparisons – people are into Win-Lose thinking. Whenever love is given on a conditional basis, when someone has to earn love, what’s being communicated to them is that they are not intrinsically valuable or lovable. Value does not lie inside them, it lies outside.

photo: china (morning walk)

It’s in comparison with somebody else or against some expectation. The vulnerable child, highly dependent upon the support and emotional affirmation of the parents, is molded, shaped and programmed in the Win-Lose mentality. “If I am better than my brother, my parents will love me more.”

The academic world reinforces Win-Lose scripting. The “normal distribution curve” basically says that you got an “A” because someone else got a “C”. It interprets an individual’s value by comparing him or her to everyone else…. People are not graded against their potential or against the full use of their present capacity. They are graded in relation to other people. And grades are carriers of social value; they open doors of opportunity or they close them. Competition, not cooperation, lies at the core of the educational process. Cooperation, in fact, is usually associated with cheating.

Another powerful programming agent is athletics… Often, they develop the basic paradigm that life is a big game, a zero sum game where some win and some lose. “Winning” is “beating” in the athletic arena.

photo: State College (2007)
Another agent is law. We live in a litigious society. The first thing many people think about when they get into trouble is suing someone, taking them to court, “winning” at someone else’s expense. But defensive minds are neither creative nor cooperative… Law is based on an adversarial concept.
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BUT most of life is not a competition. We don’t have to live each day competing with our spouse, our children, our coworkers, our neighbors, and our friends.

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Reflection: “Who’s winning in your marriage?” is a ridiculous question. If both people aren’t winning, both are losing.

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source: LAB and Stephen Covey, "7 Habits of Highly Effective People".