A Greater View of Self

One more posting on The Ugly Duckling. Before that, here is a video clip of The Ugly Duckling, Walt Disney version.

The ugly duckling does not fit in. He is mobbed for being too different, too big, and too ugly. Similarly, many in the workplace feel discriminated against for not fitting the mold, whether because of gender, race, religion, education, or temperament. While such judgments can be hurtful, the serious damage occurs only if we adopt other people’s opinions as our own.

Not surprisingly, the ugly duckling develops a pitiful self-image. When a flock of birds are surprised, he thinks they fly up because he is hideous, and when a hunting dog doesn’t retrieve him, he reasons, “I’m so disgusting that even the dog doesn’t feel like biting me".

Leaving negative voices behind: Like the duckling, many of us have a harsh inner critic who constantly reminds us of our shortcomings and undermines our self-esteem… We need to leave these false voices behind before we can hear our own true voice. (p. 57).

After escaping the abuse in the duck yard and the violence in the marsh, the duckling finds safety with an old woman and her cat and hen. Unlike the mother duck, who simply conforms, the cat and the hen want control. They regularly preface their statements with, “We and the world!” as they think they are half of the world, and “what is more, the very best half.” They are like managers who see themselves as the brains of the company, and the best brains at that, or like recalcitrant coworkers who feel superior to management as they resist every change.

Stuck in a corner, the duckling begins to long for the water, wishing he could splash it over his head and dive way down to the bottom. The hen thinks his nonsensical yearning is caused by idleness and tells him to get busy. Fortunately, the duckling disregards the hen’s advice and decides to follow his longing.

Asserting oneself : Most of us have a bossy hen in our life. We can easily spot her in a parent, an in-law, a spouse, friend, colleague, or manager, but we often fail to hear her clucking away in our own heads. She is the responsible, close-to-the-ground voice that squzwks: “You can’t pay attention to your longing right now; it would hurt your career.” “You can’t, you don’t have the time.” “You can’t, others are counting on you.” Though her no-nonsense attitude helps us handle practical matters, we cannot let her run our life. If we do, we will become too busy to think and too close-minded to learn, and we will grow old before our time.

In the fall, the duckling gets a glimpse of what he may become as he sees a flock of magnificent swans fly up and begin their migration. The vision of the bird is unsettling, yet also compelling, and it sustains him through the harsh winter.

Finding oneself Approaching one’s greatness can be terrifying. While we feel safe viewing something extraordinary from afar, we get frightened when it comes straight toward us and says, “Join us!” We fear that we will not measure up, that we will embarrass ourselves. We would rather not take the risk, so we pull back. Yet, only when we dare to engage with those we consider “great” may we see our true essence.

Reflection: The ugly duckling’s identity develops through the tale, and similarly, each of us has our own inner journey to make.

Do you sometimes look around and think, “I don’t belong here”? Do you how your own with opinionated hens? To whom are you drawn, with whom would you like to spend time, from whom would you love to learn?”

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source: The Ugly Duckling Goes to Work