Do It Anyway!

I came across this beautifully written poem in a book I was reading the other day. I googled on the internet today to find out who was it's author. Originally entitled "The Paradoxical Commadment", it was written by Kent M. Keith when he was just 19 at Harvard College in 1968.

The poem was made famous by Mother Teresa, who engraved it on the wall of the children home in Calcutta, under the heading Anyway.

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

Giving Criticism

"If you are a critical, negative person, life will treat you badly. On the other hand, if you have a positive, joyous outlook, the joy you shared will be returned to you." - John Maxwell.

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In order to build strong relationships you need to know how to take criticism gracefully, but there are also times when you have to be the critic. It is possible to confront without ruining a relationship, but use caution, because careless confrontation can be devastating.

photos: Republic of Ireland (2005)

Before you confront, check yourself in the following areas:
1. Check your motive - the goal of confrontation should be to help, not to humiliate. Cutting someone down to boost yourself up is the lowest form of ego gratification. It's the sign of a very insecure person. Remember that it isn't necessary to blow out another person's light to let your own shine.

2. Make sure the issue is worthy of criticism - to whom does it really matter? Sometimes our pride causes us to engage in skirmishes that need ever happen. Continual petty criticism is the mark of a small mind; you have to be little to belittle.

3. Be specific - You must be tactfully specific. Say exactly what you mean and provide examples to back yourself up. If you can't be specific, don't confront. People can usually tell when you're skirting an issue and will not respect you for it.
4. Be creative or don't confront - look beyond the problem and see if you can help find some solutions. "There is nothing as easy as denouncing. It doesn't take much to see something is wrong, but it does take some eyesight to see what will put it right again." So, unless you're willing to help to some degree in turning the situation around, you're not ready to comment on the problem.

5. Confront when the timing is right - the right time is just as soon as you know something is wrong.

6. Look at yourself before looking at others - instead of putting others in their place, put yourself in their place. Have you successfully done what you're accusing the other guy of failing to do? Look at things from his point of view. You may see that you're the one who needs to make changes.

7. Attack the problem, not the person - Deal with the issue at hand. When a confrontation becomes a personal attack, you destroy your own credibility and find yourself in a no-win situation. Also, don't undermine the person's self-confidence - try to find at least one area in which you can praise the person before you expose the problem. Finally, end confrontation with encouragement. "To leave a discouraged person without hope is cruel and vindictive."

Goethe, the German poet said,

"Correction does much, but encouragement does more. Encouragement after censure is as the sun after a shower."

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source: John C. Maxwell, Be a People Person

Fly with Criticism

Our ability to take criticism can make or break us.

I am sure learning how to handle criticism is one tough lesson most of us have to handle in life. Just yesterday, a trustworthy friend told me that someone has been criticizing me behind my back. Two truths about criticisms.

photos: Melbourne (2005)

(1) No one is immune to criticism; in particular, if you're willing to stand apart from the crowd, you're putting yourself in a vulnerable position. Count on some degree of criticism.

(2) No one is indifferent to criticism; it causes us to respond either positively or negatively. A negative attitude toward criticism can be more destructive than the criticism itself.

So, the question is not "Will I be confronted with criticism?" but "How do I handle and learn from criticism and confrontation?" In his book, Be a People Person, John Maxwell came up with one-word descriptions of the various ways people will respond to criticisms/confrontations:

BYE: The "bye" people never profit from confrontation; they don't hang around long enough. Their egos are too fragile.

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SPY: Spies become suspicious of everone. The begin an investigation to find out who in the organization is out to get them. Often they will avoid risking a failure again.

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FRY: Some people will simply get mad & either fly off at the handle or do a slow burn.

LIE: The liar has an excuse for every mistake. Therefore he never faces up to the reality of his situation.

CRY: Cry babies are overly sensitive and become hurt by confrontation. Unlike the "bye" people, criers hang around in hopes that people will see how mistreated they are and sympathize with them. They have a martyr complex.

SIGH: These people have a "That's-too-bad,-but-there's-nothing-I-can-do-about-it" attitude. They don't accept any responsibility for making right the wrong.

FLY: This category of people takes criticism and flies with it. They learn from it and become better because of it.

Which category has fit you in the past? Are there changes you need to make before you can take criticism and fly with it? I challenge you to start today.

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When you are willing to stick your neck out, someone will want to chop it off. Don't let that threat keep you from being all you can be. Rise above it. If we develop the ability to laugh at ourself, we will be much more relaxed when given or giving criticism.
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Source: John C. Maxwell, Be a People Person

Character Ethics

"I began to feel more & more that much of the success literature in the past 50 years was superficial. It was filled with social image consciousness, techniques & quick fixes..."

photo: Trumph Tower, Chicago

In the introductory chapter to 7 Habits of Effective People, S. Covey wrote about the difference between the Personality Ethics and Character Ethics. Reading and researching literally hundred of books, articles, and essays in fields such as self-improvement, popular psychology, and self-help, he noticed a startling pattern emerging in the content of the literature on keys to successful living.

photo: construction site visit in chicago (Apr 09)

In the first 150 years or so, almost all the literature focused on what could be called Character Ethic as the foundation of success - things like integrity, humility, fidelity, temperance, courage, justice, patience, industry, simplicity, modesty, and the Golden Rule.... The Character Ethic taught that there are basic principles of effective living, and that people can only experience true success and enduring happiness as they learn and integrate these principles into their basic character.

But shortly after WWI, the basic view of success shifted to what we might call the Personality Ethic. Success became more a function of personality, of public image, of attitudes and behaviors, skills and techniques, that lubricate the processes of human interaction... I am not suggesting that elements of the Personality Ethic - personality growth, communication skill training, and education in the field of influence strategies and positive thinking - are not beneficial, in fact sometimes essential for success. I believe they are. But these are secondary, not primary traits.

If I try to use human influence strategies and tactics of how to get other people to do what I want, to work better, to be more motivated, to like me and each other - while my character is fundamentally flawed, marked by duplicity and insincerity - then, in the long run, I cannot be successful. My duplicity will breed distrust, and everything I do - even using so-called good human relations techniques - will be perceived as manipulative.... if there is little or no trust, there is no foundation for permanent success.

• You can use the Personality Ethic to get by and to make favorable impressions through charm and skill and pretending to be interested in other people's hobbies. You can pick up quick, easy techniques that may work in short-term situations. But secondary traits alone have no permanent worth in long-term relationships.
  

It is the character that communicates most eloquently. As Emerson once put it, "what you are shouts so loudly in my ears I cannot hear what you say.".... We all know it. There are people we trust absolute because we know their character. Whether they're eloquent or not, whether they have human relations techinique or not, we trust them, and we work successfully with them.

Source: Stephen Covey (2009)

Jesus: The ScapeGoat (Leviticus 16)

The word "scapegoat" is widely used as a metaphor, referring to someone who is blamed for misfortunes, generally as a way of distracting attention from the real causes.

On this Easter morning, I took sometime to ponder over the following verse which my wife and I had adopted since our courtship days: "For the LORD is a sun and a shield; The LORD bestows favor and honor; No good things does He withhold from those whose walk is blameless. O LORD Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you." (Psalms 84:11). Usually, I will reflect on God's goodness ... O, I have tasted and see the Lord's goodness. Sharing what Billy Hybel's wrote, I do have a great life... I love what I do and the people I do it with... I am blessed with a terrific wife and friends. I'm healthy ... optimistic about the future. All in all, I am happy. But today, my attention was drawn to these words, "those whose walk is blameless."

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Honestly, who can really claim that his walks is truly blameless? I don't think I can. Romans 3: 23 says that there is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short from the glory of God. Some sins seem bigger than others because their obvious consequences are much more serious. Murder, for example, seems to us to be worse than hatred, and adultery seems worse than lust. But this does not mean that because we do lesser sins, our walk is blameless. Regardless of how great or small it seems, all sin makes us a sinner - they separate us from God, cut us off from our holy God, which leads to death.

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In the Old Testament, the 'scapegoat" was a goat that was symbolically burdened with the sins of the people and then driven off into the wilderness to rid Jerusalem of its iniquities. The rite for the Day of Atonement is described in Leviticus 16. Since this goat, with the sins of the people placed on it, is then sent over a cliff or driven into the wilderness to perish, the word "scapegoat" has come to mean a person, often innocent, who is blamed and punished for the sins, crimes or sufferings of others.

So, when used as a metaphor, a scapegoat is someone selected to bear blame for a calamity. Scapegoating is the act of holding a person, group of people, or thing responsible for a multitude of problems. Similar rituals were held elsewhere in the ancient world to transfer guilt or blame. In ancient Greece, human scapegoats were beaten and driven out of cities to mitigate calamities. In early Roman law, an innocent person was allowed to assume the penalty of another; Christianity reflects this notion in its belief that Jesus died to atone for the sins of mankind.

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I believe that God can make us blameless! Romans 5:6-8 reads, "You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly... But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." These are amazing words, God sent Jesus Christ to die for us, not because we were good enough, but because he loved us. In other words, we can walk a blameless walk because of what Jesus Christ did on the cross. As Christians, we believe that He died on the cross for our sins.

The Old Rugged Cross: On a hill far away stood an old rugged cross ... Jesus died for all of us, so that anyone who believes in Him may be saved.

Rededication: Jesus, my Scapegoat.... The gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 6:23)

Monterey, USA

Monterey is a city of natural beauty with a rich cultural heritage. Founded in 1770, it is the oldest city in the state of California, and was the state capital for a time. Situated 115 miles south of San Francisco and 320 miles north of Los Angeles, Monterey Country is the virtual heart of California's Central Coast. To the east, the county includes the Salinas Valley, a lush growing region, which is today the "Salad Bowl of the World". The region alone produce 80% of the nation's lettuce supply, generating more than US$600 million annually.

Below are some photos I took during my recent trip to Monterey.

On the first day, after checking into the Marriot Monterey, I took a 3-hour stroll along the coastal road towards the Cannery Row. At the turn of the 20th century, this part of the downtown Monterey area was where fish processing companies canned fish fresh off the boats. Monterey was then the Sardine capital of the world! Today, the stretch is home to galleries, shops, and fine restaurants.

On the evening of the second day, I took a short stroll to Fisherman's Wharf. In the 1800s, this part of town was the epicenter of Monterey's whaling industry. Now, visitors climb aboard modern vessels and journey out to the Monterey Bay National Marine Sanctuary to admire and appreciate the whales. From the wharf, one could also see harbor seals, sea lions, sea otters and seabirds.

On the afternoon of the third day, we toured the Pebble Beach, which is best known for its luxury resorts, golf courses and stunning 17-Mile Drive tour that passes through the Del Monte forest. There are approximately 20 stops along the well marked route, each with a landmark of interest and paved parking for the vehicle. The stops include popular tourist icons such as the Lone Cypress tree (left photo), the Restless Sea, Seal Rock, Spanish Bay, etc. We stopped for high-tea at the Pebble Beach Golf Links, which is best known for its luxury resorts and golf club. On our way back, we stopped at Carmel-by-the Sea, an exclusive shopping enclave bursting with charming boutiques, fine art galleries and luxury retailers. Clint Eastwood was once the town's mayor (1986-1988).

photo: charming historic garden at Cooper-Molera adobe

On the final day, I followed the Old Monterey's Path of History. Following the yellow-and-brown tile markers set in the sidewalks, the walking tour bring me to the oldest houses in the county which include California's First Theatre, Old Whaling Station adobe, Cooper-Molera adobe, Case Soberanes, Cotton Hall, etc. I particularly enjoyed the tantalizing fragrances of the many historic gardens.

Follow the Cloud (Numbers 9:17)

May I share with you my recent bible study and reflection on Numbers, Chapter 9. You have heard of the phrase “follow the crowd”. How about “follow the cloud”? Well, this is precisely what the Israelites did. They followed the cloud…

“whenever the cloud lifted from above the Tent, the Israelites set out; whenever the cloud settled, the Israelites encamped” (Num 9:17).

Observation 1: This is No Ordinary Cloud
Following their exodus from Egypt and during their years of wandering in wilderness, the Israelites know that the cloud hovering over the tabernacle was the visible symbol of the LORD’s presence. Paul W. Kuske, a bible scholar, wrote, “continuously, at any time of day or night, an Israelite was able to look toward the tabernacle and remind himself that even in the most hostile environment of the desert, the Lord was the leader and protector of the people he had chosen as his own”.

Application 1: The Lord’s presence represents the anointing & blessings of God in our lives… The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace” (Num 6:24-26)… But we have to stay clean & purified. Let the story of Samson be a warning for us not to be complacent – “he did not know that the LORD had left him (Judges 16:20b).” Of course in today’s context, we know that God will never abandon us completely, but we can still be “left alone”… so, let’s not take his presence and anointing for granted.
Observation 2: The Israelites travelled and camped as God guided.God directed the movement of his people by means of the cloud.
¨ When the cloud remained over the tabernacle for a long time, the Israelites obeyed the LORD’s order and did not set out (v.19).
¨ Sometimes, the cloud was over the tabernacle for a few days; at the LORD’s command they would encamp, and then at his command they would set out (v.20).
¨ Sometimes, the cloud stayed only from evening to morning, and when it lifted in the morning, they set out (v.21).
Application 2: When the cloud remained stationary for a long time, we can either (a) become so comfortable and accustomed with the surrounding; or (b) become so restless and impatient to move on. Both are not good – those in the first group will find it difficult to move (relocate) when the cloud starts to set out (e.g. when the will of God tells us to do something out of our comfort zone), whilst those in the second group miss what God want to do through them in their current situation. Instead of praying, “God, what do you want me to do next?’ it may be better to pray “God, what do you want me to do while I’m right here?” God has a purpose in placing where you are right now.

Application 3: When the cloud remained for a few days, we can be misled to think that we have made a mistake, a wrong choice… God never intended us to come here… Perhaps, this may sound familiar to some? In obedience, you followed God’s direction to move in a certain direction, but after a short while, you are asked to go another direction, or circumstances force you to make a u-turn. From human perspective, people would have thought that you are either fickle-minded or you have made a mistake in the first instance. This may not be so… God may direct us one step at a time.
Application 4: When the cloud remained only for the night, we can complain that we are stretched, too tired to move on. Why can’t we have more time to rest, more time to relax with our family, more time to enjoy the scenery, more time to stop and smell the flower? In such times, even though our feet is sore from the day’s walking, our back aching from carrying our possessions, and we are tired of being constantly on the move, remember: (a) to thank God - He gave us the night to rest, and (b) to trust God – He knows where He is leading us & His plan is to prosper us, not harm us.

In conclusion, we are to watch the cloud at all time. When He set out, we move. When He remained, we stay.