Giving Criticism

"If you are a critical, negative person, life will treat you badly. On the other hand, if you have a positive, joyous outlook, the joy you shared will be returned to you." - John Maxwell.

.

In order to build strong relationships you need to know how to take criticism gracefully, but there are also times when you have to be the critic. It is possible to confront without ruining a relationship, but use caution, because careless confrontation can be devastating.

photos: Republic of Ireland (2005)

Before you confront, check yourself in the following areas:
1. Check your motive - the goal of confrontation should be to help, not to humiliate. Cutting someone down to boost yourself up is the lowest form of ego gratification. It's the sign of a very insecure person. Remember that it isn't necessary to blow out another person's light to let your own shine.

2. Make sure the issue is worthy of criticism - to whom does it really matter? Sometimes our pride causes us to engage in skirmishes that need ever happen. Continual petty criticism is the mark of a small mind; you have to be little to belittle.

3. Be specific - You must be tactfully specific. Say exactly what you mean and provide examples to back yourself up. If you can't be specific, don't confront. People can usually tell when you're skirting an issue and will not respect you for it.
4. Be creative or don't confront - look beyond the problem and see if you can help find some solutions. "There is nothing as easy as denouncing. It doesn't take much to see something is wrong, but it does take some eyesight to see what will put it right again." So, unless you're willing to help to some degree in turning the situation around, you're not ready to comment on the problem.

5. Confront when the timing is right - the right time is just as soon as you know something is wrong.

6. Look at yourself before looking at others - instead of putting others in their place, put yourself in their place. Have you successfully done what you're accusing the other guy of failing to do? Look at things from his point of view. You may see that you're the one who needs to make changes.

7. Attack the problem, not the person - Deal with the issue at hand. When a confrontation becomes a personal attack, you destroy your own credibility and find yourself in a no-win situation. Also, don't undermine the person's self-confidence - try to find at least one area in which you can praise the person before you expose the problem. Finally, end confrontation with encouragement. "To leave a discouraged person without hope is cruel and vindictive."

Goethe, the German poet said,

"Correction does much, but encouragement does more. Encouragement after censure is as the sun after a shower."

.

source: John C. Maxwell, Be a People Person