Truth Seekers

Henry Cloud, in his book Integrity, wrote "every human has faults, weaknesses, delusions, distortions, emotions that are not totally mature, lapses in judgment, and many other things that can cause problems. As we grow, those decrease as we mature, but we will always have some. That is inescapable". (p. 123). He also highlighted one key difference between high achievers and those who are not. In his words,

"high achievers face reality and deal with it. Those who don’t, avoid reality in some way or have aspects to their character that keeps them out of touch with it. Many times, this is more for comfort sake. It is difficult to see what really is, and to live with it. We feel better when we can make it not so, in some form or fashion. We attribute the truth of our performance to some outside influence, as to say, “It wasn’t me”. (p. 107).

photos: Litchfield, USA (Sep 07)

Reality seekers have the humility to go in and not assume that they had it all figured out and instead to seek to find out what reality was. People who have an orientation to the truth seek it out. They look for it and do everything they can to find it so that they know where they stand, what steps to take, etc. They basically see reality as their best ally, so finding it becomes of utmost importance (p. 113).

The winners ask. They sometimes hire people to help them see it. They value feedback from others about themselves, knowing that they themselves have blind spots…. If we are afraid of truth about ourselves and have a character ‘stance’ to hide, then we are headed in the wrong direction, away from reality (pp. 118-9).

… I give you 100% permission to be totally honest with me in answering this question” “what is it like to be on the other end of me? … Even if it means facing up to some painful news, he or she sees the result as positive. Only through finding out this kind of reality do we know our true strengths and weaknesses. Top performers rely on that knowledge. They major in their strength and protect themselves from their weaknesses. But without knowing reality about ourselves, we often don’t even know what those are. And knowing one’s strengths and weaknesses can be the difference between success and failure (p. 117).

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The interesting thing about this kind of people is the hunger they have for finding out what is true. They are different from people who are honest but do not take steps to find out more of what reality is. A lot of people are not in denial when reality comes and knocks on their door. They are able to acknowledge it and not resist it. But, they are basically passive about it, not active. The kind of people I am taking about here go after reality as if their lives depend on it. They have to find it (p. 113).

They don’t only wait for others to give them feedback, they also go after it themselves. They desire it and see it as an opportunity to grow… The good ones want to know the reality of who they are and are in tune with the fact that we do not see ourselves accurately. They “seek” out this knowledge in a variety of ways: commissioning feedback projects, submitting themselves to a mentor, accountability group, etc. But when they do, they are not looking for flattery. They are looking for reality. They ask others to tell them what they see (p. 116).

“Give me your last 10%” – People tend to hold back on feedback that might be difficult for someone to hear and do not always express their full critique of someone’s performance… we need to develop a culture of characters who desire to hear the last 10% (p. 120). To do that requires character hunger for the truth.

It is a paradox of life that the less we look at our shortcomings, the more others do. The extent that we are in denial is usually the extent to which others are staring at us, saying “what is his problem?”

The less we look at ourselves, the more others have to.
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source: Henry Cloud, Integrity