Jonah's Confession

“And he said to them, “I am a Hebrew, and I fear the Lord, the God of heaven, who made the sea and the dry land.” Jonah 1:9 ESV

 

An interesting thought from the verse above is how will the world respond today to an honest confession of a Christian? Imagine the scenario of you boarding a cruise boat and introducing yourself to the captain and his sailing crew as a God fearing Christian! What impact would this have on them? How would they respond to your proclamation? In all likelihood, they will be politely disinterested.   

 

In Jonah 1:10, the sailors' response to Jonah was as follows, Then the men were exceedingly afraid and said to him, “What is this that you have done!" For the men knew that he was fleeing from the presence of the LORD, because he told them (ESV). Their respond suggests that they had a spiritual awakening, i.e. they saw there is God, he is alive, he is a God of purpose, and a God of wrath. R.T. Kendal, in his exposition on Jonah, wrote that this story shows the inseparable connection between the transcendent power of God and the message of the church.
 

Can Jonah claims credit for their spiritual awakening? No, on the contrary, Jonah was not preaching the truth voluntarily or consciously. He was forced to make his confession. He was found out! RT Kendal further wrote that we are not going to see such an awakening simply because we preach who God is - there must be more! Put it another way, had Jonah made this confession without the storm at sea such confession would have been utterly meaningless; just like you introducing yourself when you boarded the cruise boat.

We must see God's timing. In other words, it is utterly folly to think that we can resurrect certain sermons or methods of the past and suppose they are going to produce results again.  We need to see that the message Jonah preached was timed in such a way that, had he made the confession earlier, it would have been meaningless. It was given at a particular moment. There was the wind; there was the casting of the lots. All these things coalesced and there is no earthly way we can make these things coalesce and bring them about. The timing has to be exactly right.

Note that Jonah did not get glory because of this awakening. What happened on the boat was despite of Jonah. There is a sense in which Jonah had nothing to do with it. Indeed, just because the sailors encountered God, this does not justify Jonah's disobedience and running away from God. The greatest lesson we have to learn from Romans 8:28 is this: merely because something is made right does not mean it was right... we tend to justify ourselves by saying that our disobedience was justified simply because we profited.

 

Source: Jonah - An Exposition by R.T Kendall
 
 

Reaching & Touching

We are in a matrix of relationships…. There are many different kinds of relationships. There is that of a man and a woman in marriage. There is, of course, that of a parent(s) and child. Beyond that there are the general friendships of varying degrees of intensity that we all pursue and enjoy. Do all of these relationships have anything in common? Absolutely! - G&G MacDonald

photo: Sunday Service Team @ CEFC (2009)

This year we had a holiday bonanza over this Chinese New Year because it falls on a weekend. As a result, we had four continuous days to break away from our normal routine. My wife and I made a trip back to Kuala Lumpur to visit my elderly parents. Most of the time we spent in KL revolved around family and food; buying, preparing, cooking, eating and washing up.

In addition, I took the opportunity to read an old book which I brought along for the KL trip. If Those Who Reach Could Touch is written by Gail and Gordon MacDonald in 1984. It is a good reminder for me on the importance, principles and practice of developing good relationship. I strongly recommend the book as it is both insightful and practical. Written from a Christian perspective, I think the principles are relevant to our day-to-day relationships.

Reaching out - an impulse basic to human life. From our ealiest moments we reach for security, for food, for help. Later we reach for companionship. Ultimately, we reach in response to the reaching of others: parent to child, friend to friend, stronger to weaker, whole to hurting.

But although we reach instictively, many times we miss our mark. We fail to affect lives. We reach, but we cannot touch. Perhaps, it's becasue we have never learned to touch effectively. Perhaps in the business of daily living we have forgotten how. Or perhaps past experiences have so bruised and blinded us that we are too afraid or too bitter to risk touching. As a result, our relationships have become stunted parodies of the love God created us to live in.

If Those Who Reach Could Touch takes a look at what the Bible says about reaching and touching - how it can be done successfully and why we fail so often. The authors seek to help us understand the ability we have to touch and be touched and show us how to care, to forgive, to encourage, and to confront until our relationships grow to the fruitful, satisfying potential God plans for all Christians.

photo: Christmas (2009)

Summary: Reaching and touching are the building blocks of relationships. …. Generally speaking, everyone reaches but not everyone touches...

Make relationships a priority in our lives…

The Ugly Duckling

“When we heed our longing, we grow into our ‘swanlike’ nature.”

Most of us would have heard of The Ugly Duckling story. This is a story about self discovery. Written by Hans Christian Henderson (1805-1875), it is the most autobiographical of the Danish author's works. H.Topsoe-Jensen wrote, "H.C. Hendeson just like the ugly duckling, was the poor one, dependent on benefactors who did not understand him, tormented and mistreated, full of feelings of inferiority, enduring long and difficult times troubled by doubts about his own worth, but deep inside secretly convinced that the ‘hour of reckoning’ would come".

There was nothing romantic about H.C. Andersen’s childhood. Not only was his family poor, but it was also less than respectable. His parents barely married before he was born, his grandmother had been jailed for having too many illegitimate children, his grandfather was in the lunatic asylum, and his illegitimate half-sister worked in a brothel. Furthermore, he was an effeminate and ugly boy, with feet that were too big, limbs that were too long, and eyes that were too small. Yet, through his own merit, H.C. Andersen made his way to Copenhagen, gained royal patronage, and became one of the best-loved authors in the world.

The Story (an abridged version):

One summer, close to the moat of a manor house, a mother duck was nesting. One by one the eggs cracked, but an uncommonly large one remained. An old duck insisted it was a turkey egg and warned of the mother that turkeys were afraid of water. When it finally cracked, a large, ugly duckling tumbled out. Fearing he was indeed a turkey, the mother thought, “into the water with him, even if I have to kick him in.”

She brought her brood down to the moat, and one after the other the ducklings plopped in and they all floated splendidly, including the ugly one. “No, that’s no turkey!” thought the mother, “He’s my own alright!”

Once in a duck yard, the others picked on the ugly one for he was so different. The ducks bit him, the hens pecked him, and even the girl who came to feed them kicked him. His sisters and brothers said they hoped the cat would take him, and eventually even the mother wished him far away…

… the duckling loved floating and diving, but the other creatures continued to reject him. One fall evening the duckling noticed a flock of beautiful white birds with long, graceful necks: They were swans! The majestic creatures spread their wings and flew away toward warmer climates. The duckling felt strangely connected. Although they soon disappeared from sight, there was no way he could forgot those stunning creatures.

Winter came …. and finally spring returned and the duckling tested his wings. They made a strong swooshing sound as they carried him to a beautiful garden. When he landed on the water, he saw the majestic birds again, but this time they were coming toward him… He feared they might hack him to death for being so hideous. Accepting his fate, he bowed his head toward the surface of the still water and suddenly he saw his own reflection – he was himself a swan!

His Response:

“Then he felt quite shy and put his head under his wing – he did not know what to do. He was too happy! But he was not proud, for a good heart is never proud! He thought about how he had been mistreated and mocked, and now he heard everyone say that he was the loveliest of all the lovely birds. The lilacs bowed to him, … and the sun shone so warm and bright. And then he puffed up his feathers, lifted his slender neck, and rejoiced with all his heart; “I never dreamt there could be so much happiness when I was the ugly duckling.”

So what is the morale of this story? Mette Norgaard, in her book, The Ugly Duckling Goes to Work, argues that we do not succeed in life by having an enviable career; we succeed by finding where we belong and becoming the person we were meant to be. Just because we live with certain people, that does not mean we belong with them; we belong with those who share or encourage our longing. Also, just because we grow older, that does not mean we grow into who we were meant to be.

We grow into our essence only when our false self-images die and our true self is born.

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source: Mette Norgaard, The Ugly Duckling Goes to Work

Believe the Best

Each of us is given seeds. Each of us bear fruit – a yield – very often in direct relationship to our ability to till, to plant, to nurture, and to reap.

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This semester, which has just ended, has been a busy one for me. In the last segment of my last lecture, I shared with my students a few photos on maple trees I took in State College.

Matured maple trees are like the giants of the industry whom they encountered in the course of taking my module: CEO Keppel Land, CEO Singland, CEO Orchard Turn, GM Keppel Bay, MD Citibank, MD Knight Frank, Senior Exec Director Chesterton & VP Mapletree. Their achievements are the aspirations of many students.

But guess where do all these giant trees started?

Yes, giant maple trees all started from small maple saplings. And where do saplings come from?

Tiny Seeds!






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I went on to encourage my students not to underestimate the days of small beginnings. Just as every seed has great potential to grow and bear fruit, they have great potential in them. I shared my conviction:

"the best buildings are yet to be developed! The most innovative real estate deals have not yet been executed."

Why? Because the people behind those buildings and deals are still in my classroom today. I sincerely believe that this will come true one day. What I am doing is developing my students' expectation level by believing the best in them. As John Maxwell wrote, "when you look up to people, they begin to look up to their dreams". And if we have high expectation level and believe in people, we will encourage them. This is the principle of seeing people not as they are but as they can be.

Many people, according to John Maxwell, unfortunately have a low personal expectation level. Leaders and educators need to know how to develop a dream for others and share it with them.... If we can have four eyes, two for seeing what is and two for seeing what might be, we can help others dream. Everyone needs to be exposed to a vision. Unfortunately, not everyone will go for it. Pursue it with those who are ready to stretch.

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Below are some photos my students took over the course of this semester. On the last day of lecture, they collectively decided to come to school wearing the uniform of their junior colleges/secondary schools:

source: John Maxwell, Be a People Person

Failure is Not Fatal

Last week, my students and I visited the newest shopping mall in Singapore at the heart of Orchard Road, namely the ION Orchard. The field trip started with a presentation by the CEO on the competitive advantages of the new shopping mall. After the visit, one student contributed the following on the discussion forum:

"In addition, the CEO mentioned that one of the challenges that she had met in this process is that everything is a risk to her. Even by bringing in new options and having a global flagships is a new thing that they are trying out. I feel that it is an important thing for us to be innovative when it comes to tenant mix as often singaporeans feel that shops in singapore are always the same. Therefore, i agree with her that everything is a risk no matter what we do, we should not always stay in our comfort zone but to step out of it and give it a try, only then could we know if we are successful."

In this posting, I would like to expand on the student's reflection which remind me of 3 four-letter words, i.e. RISK, FEAR & FAIL! Over this weekend, I came across an interesting quotation by Theodore Roosevelt:

"The only man who never makes a mistake is the man who never does anything."

The author of the book Bringing Out the Best in People suggests that we should probably reprimand our group if they are not having a few flops, for if they're not failing now and again, it's a sign they're playing it safe. Jack Lemmon once said, "Failure never hurt anybody. It's the fear of failure that kills you... You've got to go down the alley and take those chances."

Seneca also said, "if thou art a man, admire those who attempt great things, even though they fail." The author warned a fatal mistake made by some is to lash out so harshly at young people for some failure that they scale down their aspirations and not longer strive for high goals.

When asked for the ingredients of good managment, a CEO once replied, "You need the ability to fail. I'm amazed at the number of organizations that set up an environment where they do not permit their people to be wrong. You cannot innovate unless you are willing to accept some mistakes."

In the face of failures, there are two possible responses: (1) Quit - unable to rise from their failure, they scale down their dreams and live out their lives in resignation and cautious mediocrity, or (2) Overcome - when they stumble, they pick themselves up, look around o learn from their mistakes, and then go on to finish the race with distinction.

The best managers expect their people to make mistakes, and instead of replacing staff constantly, they recognize that it is more efficient to teach people to cope with their failures and learn from their mistakes. They create an environment whereby FAILURE is not FATAL!

source: Bringing out the Best In People

Prayer for Tourists

"Busy sight-seeing, the frantic tourist rushes through the sites faster than a speeding bullet. The frantic's tourist's primary concern is merely to be able to cover as much ground as possible, in the least amount of time - just to be able to say, 'I've been there, seen this, and done that'. Then he hurries on in his conquest of space, but not in his understanding of it." - Edmund Chan

photo: Perth (Sep 1992)

In his book Growing Deep in God (page 97), Pastor Edmund Chan shared that he came across an interesting display-cloth with the printed words, “Prayer for Tourists” in Subiaco Market in Perth, Australia.

Melbourne (2005)

Heavenly Father,

Look down upon your humble obedient tourist servants, who are doomed to travel this earth taking photographs, mailing postcards, buying souvenirs and walking around in drip-dry underwear.

Give us this day divine guidance in the selection of our hotel; that we may find our reservations honoured, our room made up and hot water running from our faucets. We pray that the telephone works and that the operators can speak our tongues.

Lead us, dear Lord, to good and inexpensive restaurants where the food is superb, the waiters friendly, the wine included in the price.

Give us wisdom to tip correctly in the currencies we do not understand. Forgive us for under-tipping out of ignorance, over-tipping out of fear. May the locals love us for what we are and not for what we can contribute to their worldly goods.

Grant us the strength to visit the museum, the parks, the government buildings and all the musts in the guide book, and if perchance, we skip a historic monument to grab a sleep after lunch, have mercy on us, for our flesh is weak.

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For husbands only: Dear God, keep our wives from shopping sprees and protects them from bargains they don’t need or can’t afford. Lead them not into temptation for they know not what they do.

For wives only: Oh mighty Father, keep our husbands from looking at foreign women and comparing them to us. Save them from making fools of themselves in cafes and nightclubs. Above all, do not forgive them for their trespasses for they know exactly what they do.

Spiritual Application:

Edmund Chan wrote that the frantic tourist is a parable of life. He is a parable of prayer. He reflects little on his journey, thus he understands little of it. Similarly, many people hurry through prayer, but reflect little on it. They see, but do not perceive. They observe, but do not understand. They hurry through prayers as if the destination is more important than the journey. They are compulsively driven to complete a task rather than to enjoy the presence of God. They pray driven prayers rather than devout prayers.

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To grow deeper in prayer, we must not be in a hurry... Prayer is like taking an unhurried walk.

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source: Edmund Chan (2008) Growing Deep in God - Integrating Theology & Prayer

Integrity

"It's not what we eat but what we digest that makes us strong; not what we gain but what we save that make us rich; not what we read but what we remember that makes us learned; and not what we profess but what we practice that gives us integrity." - Francis Bacon, Sr

(English lawyer and philosopher, 1561-1626)

photo: Nuremberg, Germany (Jun 09)

On my recent travel, I read a book "Integrity" on ethical issues in business. It was refreshing and I highly recommend it. I wanted to write share some thoughts from the book but when I googled to research the author's background etc., I came across an excellent review on the book by Alan L. Chase on the Amazon website.

Dr Henry Cloud, who is a clinical psychologist, anchors his thoughts in the real world of clients he has consulted with in helping them to address very real and concrete business issues that have deep roots in issues of ethics and integrity. Dr. Cloud makes it clear that "integrity," as he uses the term, is much more than mere "honesty." Throughout the book he parses and elucidates six essential qualities and character traits that lead to success in the business world. He describes the kind of character that . . .

1) Creates and maintains trust

2) Is able to see and face reality

3) Works in a way that brings results

4) Embraces negative realities and solves them

5) Causes growth and increase

6) Achieves transcendence and meaning in life

"You will see how these character traits supercede gifts, talents and ability, and how the ones who have them succeed and the ones who don't, ultimately fail." (Page xii)

In talking with a wealthy businessman who is a personal friend, Dr. Cloud heard his friend comment on how he chooses to invest his money in businesses. "I did not invest in those businesses. I invested in the people. I never invest in businesses I don't know anything about, but I will invest in a person. If I know their character, their history, how they operate, what kind of judgment they have, what kinds of risks are acceptable to them, how they execute, and things like that, and I know them well, I will invest. But I don't buy businesses I don't know anything about." (Pages 29-30)

Early in this book, Dr. Cloud gives us his expanded definition of integrity as it applies to the business world:

"And, the origins of the word we can see in the French and Latin meanings of intact, integrate, integral and entirety. The concept means that the `whole thing is working well, undivided, integrated, intact and uncorrupted.' When we are talking about integrity, we are talking about being a whole person, an integrated person, with all of our different parts working well and delivering the functions that they were designed to deliver. It is about wholeness and effectiveness as people. It truly is `running on all cylinders.'" (Page 31)

The author offers a very clear and helpful metaphor for the type of impact that this kind of person of integrity has on the lives of those with whom she or he interacts. Dr. Cloud posits that each of us, as we move through the waters of life, leave behind a wake, like that left by ships as they pass through the ocean. There are two aspects to the "wake" that we leave behind - the tasks we have performed and the relationships we have built.

source: internet photo

"We leave a wake of people behind us as we move though their lives and their organizations. . . So, we must ask ourselves, `What does that wake look like?' Are a lot of people out there water-skiing on the wake, smiling, having a great time for our having `moved through their lives'? Or are they are there bobbing for air, bleeding, and left wounded as shark bait?" (Page 18)

What Kind of Force?
One of the words that is close to character or integrity in meaning is the Hebrew word that is translated “virtue”. If you trace its origins and meanings, one of the meanings is a “force”. Someone of virtue is a force, and a force always leaves a result. When a hurricane comes through a town, you can see the results of its force. When the wind moves across the water, or through the trees, you can see the results of its force.

Likewise, when you move through life, through your company or organization, through your career, and through your relationships, your character is going to be a “force.” The question is “What kind of force is it going to be?” Will it be one of virtue, where you deliver the goods? When you bring energy and force of character to a goal or project, will the force bring about the fruit? When you bring energy and force to a relationship, will there be a good result? So, the goal here is to develop these aspects of character that have such promise that a smart investor would write checks for millions to someone who possesses them, not even knowing a lot about the nature of the business itself. That can be you and your team (Page 41).

reflection: If you have integrity, nothing else matters. If you don't have integrity, nothing else matters. ~Alan Simpson

Source: Dr Henry Cloud (2006), integrity – the courage to meet the demands of reality.

Strike the Original Match

Four-year old Suzie had just been told the story Snow White for the first time in her life. She could hardly wait to get home from the nursery school to tell her mommy. With wide-eyed excitement, she retold the fairy tale to her mother that afternoon. After relating how Prince Charming had arrived on his beautiful white horse and kissed Snow White back to life, Suzie asked loudly, "And do you know what happened then?".

"Yes," said her mom, "they lived happily ever after". "No", responded Suzie, with a frown, "they got married."

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In childlike innocence, that little nursery schooler spoke the in-depth truth without realizing it.

Getting married and living happily ever after are not necessarily synonymous.

"The honeymoon is over... dream lie broken and scattered... there is nothing left of the relationship once was. The duet has become a duel. The smiles and laughter that once made coming home sheer ecstasy have turned into lonely stares and sighs of dissappointment. The magic is gone. Nothing is left in its place except cold mental mirrors reflecting yesterday's sunshine that today has been eclipsed." - Swindoll

photo: Langkawi, Malaysia (1992)

Recently, I have been reading a book by one of my favorite Christian authors - Charles Swindoll. The book is entitled, Strike the Original Match - Rekindle the Fire in Your Marriage and Keep it Burning.

Essentially, this is a bliblical book on marriage. This book is all about offering a strong challenge to those who are willing to get down to business and let the Bible strike the original match as they and their partner glean God's timeless truth to help them rekindle that fire.You don't have to be told which option many married couples are choosing today. Chances are good you yourself have entertained the thought of selling out. It's certainly easier to bail out than to work through.

photo: Blk 352 Choa Chu Kang Central (our first home)

In the book, Swindoll said "a marriage is a lot like our house." While new it sparkles. Fresh smells, fun surprises, and new discoveries make each day a snap, crackle, and pop. Sure there's work to be done, but the newness takes away the hassle. As time passes, however, things change.

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Slowly, almost imperceptibly, the grit of responsibility mixed with the grind of routine starts to take its toll. Who hasn't experience it? ... the dreams fade into the misty memories of "the way we were," introducing to us the nightmarish and fearful feelings of "the way it is".

photo: our current home in Hillview

Proverbs: By wisdom, a house is built. And by understanding, it is established; And by knowledge, the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches (Proverbs 24:3-4).

Three truths to help us find fulfillment in our marriage: wisdom, understanding, and knowledge. Without these at work in our relationship, we will lack protection... as out own marriage will be weakened and ultimately lose its fire. Wisdom is seeing with discernment, Understanding is responding with insight, and Knowledge is learning with perception.

.source: Swindoll, Strike the Original Match

Marriage Breakthrough Weekend

Mergers - What Can Go Wrong and How to Prevent It is the title of a book I have been reading in preparation for an executive course on Mergers and Acquisitions that I will be conducting for a major property company this month. Although the book's focus is on corporate mergers, we could so easily substitute the word "merger" for "marriage" - what can go wrong and how to prevent it. Afterall, marriage can be viewed as a merger between two individuals, and although I don't have the statistics off hand, we hear that many marriages do end up in separation and divorce.

My wife and I recently joined another 65 couples for a Marriage Breakthrough Weekend in Malaysia. Conducted by our church, it was held in Johor Bahru at the Pulai Springs resort (photo below).

Over three days, we attended several sessions on "Recognizing 'Cobwebs' in Your Marriages"; "Knowing HIS Needs and HER Needs"; "Establishing Spiritual Anchors in Your Marital Relationship"; and "Practical Tips for Harmony in the Home". Besides the seminars and group discussions, we had ample time for quality conversations with our spouse. A romantic candle-light dinner was also included in the programme. One aspect that my wife and I found very refreshing and inspiring was the seminar sessions were conducted by couples, who shared openly and humbly the husband's as well as the wife's perspectives.

In one of the sessions, "romantic" love was distinguished from "caring" love. In particular, husbands and wives were encouraged to become aware of each other's needs and learn to meet them. Willard F.. Harley, author of the book His Needs Her Needs, wrote that marital conflict is created when couples fail to make each other happy. Couples are frustrated because their needs are not being met. He mentioned that ignorance contributes to this failure because men and women have great difficulty understanding and appreciating the value of each other's needs. Men tend to try to meet needs that they would value and women do the same.

The problem is that the needs of men and women are often very different and we waste effort trying to meet the wrong needs (p. 11). The man's five most basic needs in marriage tend to be: (1) sexual fulfilment, (2) recreational companionship, (3) an attractive spouse, (4) domestic support, and (5) admiration. On the other hand, the woman's five most basic needs in marriage tend to be: (1) affection, (2), conversation, (3) honesty and openess, (4) financial support, and (5) family commitment.

So, whilst a man can have the best intentions to meet his wife's needs, but if he thinks her needs are similar to his own, he will fail miserably. When they assume men appreciate the same gestures of kindness they like, women, too, fail (p. 13). The book's thesis is that by learning to understand your spouse as a totally different person than you, you can begin to become an expert in meeting all that person's emotional needs, if you would like to.

Marriage is a very special relationship. May is a special month for us as we were engaged (1991), solemnized and married (1992) in the month of May. So, for this month, I will ponder and share in this blog what I have learnt at the marriage breakthrough weekend as well as what I read from W.H. Harley's book. Our Senior Pastor, in his opening address, encouraged every couple to do:

(1) take stock, (2) take charge, and (3) take care of your marriage relationship.

Note: Focusing on the economics, the source of value creation in a merger (as well as in a marriage) is synergy. However, in a Christian marriage the synergy is not only between two individuals, but also between God and the couple. Thus, my wife and I view our marriage not as a contract, but as a covenant committment. Thus, the retreat was named Marriage Breakthrough rather than Marriage Enrichment. We first commit ourselves to God and then to each other, for we love because He first loved us.

source: W.H Harley (1994) His Needs, Her Needs.