Never Refuse Friendship

"Never refuse any advance of friendship, for if nine out of ten bring you nothing, one alone may repay you." - Claudine Guérin de Tencin, French socialite and author.

photo: at wildlife reserves singapore.

A Friendly Trail

"Try leaving a friendly trail of little sparks of gratitude on your daily trips. You will be surprised how they will set flames of friendship that will be rose beacons on your next visit."

- Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends & Influence People.

Romance & Courtship: A Bird's Tale

I received several wedding invitations over the past few months. In particular, October 10, 2010 was a very hot date: 10-10-10! My sincere congratulations to those who tie the knots recently or will be doing so over the next few months. As the saying goes,

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work; If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!" - Eccl 4:9-10 (NIV)

I would like to use some recent photos I took on birds to depict the various stages of romance & courtship. Enjoy!

(1): The story begins with the lonely single, "where are you, my beloved?"

(2) "Here I am, the one that you have been waiting!"

(3) The fun days: courtship & romance; playing and dancing .

(4) The Day: "my beloved is mine and I am his; the banner over us is love!"

(5) The real work begins: "I am watching you... I have high expectations; don't you dissappoint me... & come home early"

(6) The friction starts: "...there, I told you so... why can't you just do what I say?... You never listen to me... You don't love me anymore..."

(7) The cold war: "I am not talking to you anymore..."

(8) Reconciliation: A Happy Family

Bad Apologies!

I'd "rather die" than say sorry - Zinedine Zidane (Mar 2010)

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"Never apologise and never explain... it's a sign of weakness." - 1949 film, She Wore A Yellow Ribbon

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Footballers, whether they like it or not, are role models by virtue of their high profile. Over the past few weeks, two incidents involving famous footballers (both were captains of their respective national teams) have hogged the headlines.

The first incident involved France legend Zinedine Zidane, who headbutted Marco Materazzi during the 2006 World Cup final - an action which saw the France captain duly dismissed. That was to be the last game of his distinguished career. Italy went on to win the World Cup in a penalty shoot-out. In a recent interview (March 1, 2010), while Zidane admits he regrets what he did, he insists he will never apologise to Materazzi because of the insults against his mother that he claims provoked the headbutt.

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The second incident involved Manchester City's footballer Wayne Bridge's refusal to shake hand with John Terry (Chelsea's captain), who had had an affair with Bridge's ex-girlfriend. Both were once best friends and teammates at Chelsea FC and England. As a result of the scandal, John Terry was removed as the team captain of England. Wayne Bridge, on his part, made himself unavailable for the World Cup citing John Terry’s failure to apologise as the main reason. When John Terry showed no signs of remorse in the statement he issued the day he was stripped of the England captaincy — and in his conduct towards Bridge himself — the Manchester City full back realised living in such close quarters to his one-time friend and colleague for the duration of a tournament was going to be impossible.

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Hard to Say Sorry: Most people find it difficult to say sorry. As Gary Hayden wrote in his recent featured article in the Straits Times on Feb 25, 2010, "some people never accept blame and never apologise." In his article, Hayden highlighted some examples of bad apologies as well as how to say sorry.

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Bad apologies are annonying and more likely to incense someone than it will placate him. Three examples of bad apologies highlighted by Hayden are:

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(1) Insincere apologies - whenever a politician is caught with his hands in the till or a sportsman with his pants down, an apology will almost certainly ensue. However, we are left wondering whether the person concerned is sorry for what he did - or merely sorry he got caught. More often than not, we suspect the later.

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(2) Half-baked apologies - these are often phrased using the passive voice. So instead of admitting "I made a mistake", we say "Mistakes were made". Instead of saying "I am sorry I wrecked your car," we say "I am sorry your car was wrecked". At the heart of these ineffectual apologies is an unwillingness to be fully responsible for what has happened.

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(3) Back-handed apologies - worse, these are really non-apologies. Instead of saying "I am sorry I offended you, ", we say "I am sorry you took offense". The implication here is that you ought not really to have taken offence and Ihave not really done anything wrong but I had better apologise anyway or else I may never hear the last of it. Other examples of backhanded apologies, which subtly shift responsibility onto the victim, include "I am sorry if anyone misunderstood me" and "I am sorry you feel that way".

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An incomplete apology is often, quite rightly, seen as a second insult. In the next blog, I will continue with the tips offered by Hayden on "how to say sorry".

source: Gary Hayden, "Hard to Say Sorry", The Strait Times (Feb 25, 2010); http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-1253880/John-Terry-didnt-say-sorry-The-reason-Wayne-Bridge-quit-England.html#ixzz0hM05le1v

Reaching & Touching

We are in a matrix of relationships…. There are many different kinds of relationships. There is that of a man and a woman in marriage. There is, of course, that of a parent(s) and child. Beyond that there are the general friendships of varying degrees of intensity that we all pursue and enjoy. Do all of these relationships have anything in common? Absolutely! - G&G MacDonald

photo: Sunday Service Team @ CEFC (2009)

This year we had a holiday bonanza over this Chinese New Year because it falls on a weekend. As a result, we had four continuous days to break away from our normal routine. My wife and I made a trip back to Kuala Lumpur to visit my elderly parents. Most of the time we spent in KL revolved around family and food; buying, preparing, cooking, eating and washing up.

In addition, I took the opportunity to read an old book which I brought along for the KL trip. If Those Who Reach Could Touch is written by Gail and Gordon MacDonald in 1984. It is a good reminder for me on the importance, principles and practice of developing good relationship. I strongly recommend the book as it is both insightful and practical. Written from a Christian perspective, I think the principles are relevant to our day-to-day relationships.

Reaching out - an impulse basic to human life. From our ealiest moments we reach for security, for food, for help. Later we reach for companionship. Ultimately, we reach in response to the reaching of others: parent to child, friend to friend, stronger to weaker, whole to hurting.

But although we reach instictively, many times we miss our mark. We fail to affect lives. We reach, but we cannot touch. Perhaps, it's becasue we have never learned to touch effectively. Perhaps in the business of daily living we have forgotten how. Or perhaps past experiences have so bruised and blinded us that we are too afraid or too bitter to risk touching. As a result, our relationships have become stunted parodies of the love God created us to live in.

If Those Who Reach Could Touch takes a look at what the Bible says about reaching and touching - how it can be done successfully and why we fail so often. The authors seek to help us understand the ability we have to touch and be touched and show us how to care, to forgive, to encourage, and to confront until our relationships grow to the fruitful, satisfying potential God plans for all Christians.

photo: Christmas (2009)

Summary: Reaching and touching are the building blocks of relationships. …. Generally speaking, everyone reaches but not everyone touches...

Make relationships a priority in our lives…

DOODLECHAMPS! Singapore

DOODLECHAMPS! Singapore is a fantastic competition to discover the coolest and most talented creative doodlers in Singapore. After a challenging nationwide search, 24 of the most talented 9 to 11 year olds competed in the DOODLECHAMPS! Singapore TV show. For more information on the competition, visit: http://www.doodlechamps.com/tv-show .

Watch trailer of the show below!

After surviving rounds of elimination, our godson has managed to secure a place in the grand final. He won the semi-final round with total points of 38 (out of a max of 40)! In the grand final, which will be telecast on 31 Dec 2009, 8.30 - 9.00 pm on Octo TV, Jaye Young will meet another contestant to determine who will emerge as the Singapore DOODLECHAMP. The winner will represent Singapore to compete against winners in the other countries. Please tune in to watch and support Jaye Young!

Congrats JayeYoung!! Go for it!

Below are a sample of two drawings by Jaye Young (done under extreme pressure of time and competitive environment) during the earlier rounds of the competition plus the judges' comments.

DODDLE DUEL

"Jaye Young, I love the fact that you took the squiggle and put all your characters outside this squiggles and these squiggles became the dance for your bees." - Ketna

"... you are clear in your illustration, ... fully utilising the doodle lines." - Farid

"... you have a special eye, ... great technical skills and lots of imagination." - Caroline

DOODLE TAG

"Jaye Young, ... 1, 2, and 3 a new species of dinosaurs are born." - Caroline
"I love your stuff... clear lines." - Farid
"... that dinosaur is so cuddly, as though it's stealing chocolates." - Ketna

What Christmas Means for Us

What Christmas Means to Me & My Wife? For us, Christmas begins in our heart! It is about receiving the greatest gift God has given us with a grateful heart.

Christmas is, firstly, looking up and thanking God for everything that He has done. Second, it is a time to look back and reflect on the year that has passed by. Third, it is a time to look forward with hope to a promising year ahead. Finally, Christmas is a good time to look around & appreciate our friends and loved ones whom God has blessed us with.

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Below is a slideshow of photos we took over this Christmas season.

We thank you for impacting our lives in different ways. Our prayer for everyone today is taken from Numbers 6:24-26.

“May our GOD bless you and protect you; May the LORD smile on you and be gracious to you. May the LORD show you his favor and give you his peace.”

BEMS Class 1988 Reunion

Last Saturday (November 7, 2009), the Department of Real Estate and Department of Building at the National University of Singapore celeberated their 40th anniversary together. In total, there were more than 120 tables.

BEMS Class of 1988 had three tables. Below is a group photo we took at the dinner. Time flies, it has been 21 years since we graduated. Plus four years as undergraduates together, most of us would have known each other for at least 25 years!

seated (from left): Cara Kwok Sook Han, ......., Wendy Chan, Lorraine Phoon, Leng Chiak Sun & Celeste, Michelle Lee, Julianne Lee (Mong Ling).
standing (from left): Ng Kwee Ming, Ashley Wee, David Tham, Joseph Ooi, Quek Sze Kheng, Winston Cheah, Andrew Tan Tiah Yeow, Kam Teck Kwong, Donald Han, Herald Bangras, Tan Choi Heng, Ng Seng Tat (Jackson), Sally Mok, Judy & David Lim (Chee Seng), Joyce Koh (Peck Duan), Chua Ming Lee, Lee Mei Ling.

Attended but not in photo: Yip Kean Mun, Ching Aik Chuan, Wong Teng Teng.

GUEST Service

I have not been keeping this blog updated in the past few months as it has been a very hectic period for me. I am beginning to see the light in the tunnel, with the semester of teaching coming to an end soon. Below is a blog posting entitled, "Treat Your Customer as Your Guest" by NUS office of quality management which I find very meaningful. It is also appropriate since we have been hosting a number of professors visiting Singapore.

photo: Geoff, US (July 09)

One of the key success factors of great service organisations like Ritz Carlton and Walt Disney is that they treat their customers as guests. Therefore, to deliver great service, we first need to embrace the paradigm of treating our customers as guests. This involves learning and practising the "Guest” philosophy, a set of principles for delivering the extraordinary guest experience.

photo: Tony, US (Oct 2009)

Generosity in hospitality : The word “hospitality” is known as the act of generously providing care and kindness to whoever is in need. As a host, one should not only be concerned about meeting or exceeding the guest’s physical and functional needs, but also about satisfying his psychological and emotional needs. In the paper “Customer Experience: The Next Competitive Battleground” by Beyond Philosophy, 69 per cent of all consumers surveyed said that emotions accounted for 50 per cent or more of every customer experience. Therefore, to win your guest’s approval, satisfy his psychological needs; and if you want to win his heart, satisfy his emotional needs.

photo: Gianluca, UK & Dogan, Australia (Oct 09)
Unique individual : Every guest is an individual with unique physical, functional, psychological and emotional needs. Service thus has to be personalised as this would make the guest feel special, instead of like a digit in the stream of customers that come and go.

photo: Simon (UK), Kyung-Hwan (S.Korea) & Charles (HK)

Everyone is welcome : As all customers are your guests, every one of them should feel welcomed and be treated with dignity and respect. There should be no discrimination, prejudice or bias against your guest in terms of age, race, gender, religion or culture. Your guest is a human being; hence, any mistreatment will be felt and such hurt will not go away easily. The damage will be greater if the guest complains about the company to his friends, relatives, colleagues and business partners.
photo: Brent & Cinda (Oct 09)
Service to others : The hallmark of treating your customers as guests is to be of service to them. The host can feel an emotional sense of satisfaction when he sees and senses that his guest leaves the premises happier than when he first arrived.

Total guest experience: The contact that you have with your guest is not simply a short engagement but a summation of all physical and non-physical contacts the guest has with the organisation and its staff. People remember experiences and not just services or products.

photo: HRH The Prince Andrew, UK (Oct 09)
In summary, GUEST Service stands for (1) Generosity in hospitality, (2) Unique individual, (3) Everyone is welcome, (4) Service to others, and (5) Total guest experience.

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Source: Quality Blog, NUS (adapted from the article “Treat Your Customer as Your Guest”, Today’s Manager Jun-Jul 2009).

People of Grace

"People of grace leave others better off than how they found them, even when they were getting nothing in return"

- Henry Cloud (p. 84).

photo: SDE, NUS

In his book Integrity, Henry Cloud shared that we can divided character’s ability to trust & be trustworthy into 3 categories:

1. Paranoid – this kind of person just doesn’t see trust as an option and can do OK, as long as things are going well. But, these people typically do not extend themselves to others in the kinds of giving and vulnerability because they feel as if everyone will come back to get them. Somehow they will “get screwed in the end,” they feel. “No good turn goes unpunished” could be their motto, and when something goes wrong, they instantly get into retaliatory more (p. 81).

2. Fair - These types desire trust and good relationships and treat people well, as long as they are being treated well. And they do not turn mole hills into mountain or read paranoid meanings into innocent mistakes. They are pretty forgiving and can solve problem. They will do wonderful things as well and can be quite giving to people who are doing well to them. They give as long as they are receiving, and things are mutual. They truly are “for” the ones who are “for” them. In the sense, they are people who “play fair” – “you treat me well, and I will treat you well” seems to be the rule that they live by. But if something truly does go wrong, or even less than going wrong, is not equal or mutual in some way, then they cry foul, and their good treatment of others stops. They are not being stroked, so they are not going to stroke.

3. Grace - True trust comes when we realize that another’s goodness, and being for my best interest, is not dependent on anything. It is just a part of that person’s integrity. It is who that person is, the kind of person who wants the best for others and will do whatever he or she can bring that about. Then, there is nothing to fear. If I mess up, you will be there for me. That doesn’t mean that you are going to ignore my failures, by any measure. You may even do an intervention, or something strong to get me to face my lack of performance. But, you will still have my best interests in mind, and that will be your motivation. As a result, I can trust your intervention and be helped.

In leadership, this means that you are for your people to do well, and to become all that they can be. It also means that you do things “for” them that are “unmerited” and help them get there. And the truth is that this kind of person never really initiates being “against” anyone, unless that person is doing something to harm him or others. At that point, the person will take a stand to end the destruction, but even that kind of stand is against the destructiveness.

Source: Henry Cloud, Integrity

Invalidation

For the most part, life involves people. That is obvious in the sphere of relationships, such as friendship, family, marriage, and community. But, we are often unaware of how big the people part is in getting work done well. It is just as vital. So, if your character is going to meet the demands of reality, it is going to have to be able to negotiate the world of people. And that can only be done successfully through connectedness. Connecting with others in a way that makes them feel understood and valued is the key to life and the basis of building trust and loyalty. From that base, everything else works. To do that requires the kind of character that is oriented toward others and makes proactive connections with them in a way that builds bonds (p. 73).

"The human heart will seek to be known, understood and connected with above all else. If you do not connect, the ones you care about will find someone who will." - Henry Cloud

In his book Integrity, Henry Cloud asked "If entering into another person’s reality, validating it, and treating it with respect builds connection, what destroys it? The exact opposite: Invalidation. When your experience is all that exists to you, invalidation occurs when you negate the other person’s experience, treating it as somehow not real or non-existent. (p. 63).

Some leaders are afraid to validate if they disagree, because they fear it sounds as if they are giving credibility to something they know is not right. But that is not the issue. Of course, communication is often about persuasion and bringing one person around to another different perspective. To empathize and validate what someone is experiencing does not mean that you always agree or even think that the other person is right. It just means that you see it as valid in that it is really their experience, and true for that person, and you show them that you understand what they are thinking and feeling. And that comes from seeing and caring about another person’s heart, and communicating that, whether or not you agree. You must connect first.... But other times it means that if you did connect with it, you would learn from the other person as well and may even change what you feel about it. That is how communicating helps us to know the other person and thereby enlarge our understanding about reality. (p. 64).

The sad thing is that most times the people who invalidate other people’s experience are not aware that they are doing something destructive. In fact, they often think they are helping… we have all seen those instances where someone has say something negative like “I’m such a loser,” and someone immediately comes back with “Don’t say that! You don’t really feel that way!” or some other attempt to help that only drives the person further into hopelessness. The reason is that he now has two problems instead of one. He has the initial problem that he felt so negative about, and then he feels that he is all alone and has no one who really understands. That is why people who try to help others by talking them out what they fell are usually no help at all. It is also the reason why research has for decades proven that you can help desperate people immensely by giving them no answers at all, and only giving them empathy (p. 66).

In summary, connection and trust happen when one heart meets another. Invalidation, on the other hand, wipes out the other heart and closes it off…

source: Henry Cloud, Integrity

Careless Trust

In his book, Integrity, Henry Cloud shared that one of the Hebrew words that means ‘trust’ has the association he liked most when thinking of what ‘trust’ actually means.

To trust means to be careless. It means that you do not have to worry about how to “take care” of yourself with that person, because he is going to be worried about that too. It means that you do not have to “guard” yourself with her, because she is going to be concerned with what is good for you and what is not good for you. You do not have to “watch your back” with him, because he is going to be watching it for you (p. 77).

photo: Frankfurt (Jun 09)

In other words, the supreme essence of trust is not being “guarded”. This type of trust can only be developed over time as the other party recognizes that their interests were being lookedout for even when they are not looking.

According to Henry, incredible things happen when two parties “let down their guard” with each other. They get open, creative, take risks, learn from each other, and deliver fruit in whatever their endeavor to a much more leveraged degree that if they were in the protected mode. This happens in personal relationships, such as marriage, friendship, or parenting, and in business as well. To get to everything that can come from two people’s hearts, minds, and souls, you have to get to openness and vulnerability. You have to have access. And access is only given as trust increases (p. 79-80).

When access builds, more is given. But, once you know the person, trust goes to a whole different level when you both figure out that the other is “for” you and not “against” you or even indifferent even when you are not watching (p. 80).

source: Henry Cloud, Integrity

Connection

"In work, in marriage, in parenting, in friendship, in business, connection happens when one person has a true emotional investment in the other, and the other person experiences that and it is returned. To do that requires the character that gets out of oneself long enough to know, experience, and value the “other”… It has to be done in a way that the “other” can experience it. - Henry Cloud (p. 57).

photo: Munich (Jun 09)

People feel cared about, and trust is built, when they know that we have a genuine interest in knowing about them.

Connection, fundamentally, is the experience by one person that another is invested in him or her. It begins in infancy, when a baby comes to life as its mother involves herself in its being and existence. What he or she feels and experience matters, and a bond is built. That continues throughout childhood, and kids who grow up with deep connection are the ones who grow up secure, and most able to deal with life. What we forget, though, is that connectedness is important not just for babies, but all the way through life (p. 57).

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Detachment is the opposite of connection. It is whereby a person is a kind of island unto him- or herself. Not to be confused with being introverted, detachment is about not crossing the space to actually enter into another person’s world through the curiosity and desire to know them, understand them, to be ‘with’ them, to be present with them, and ultimately to care for them. Sadly, a lot of loving & nice people are detached in this way, and their relationships suffer for it (p. 56).
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What Builds Connection?
Empathy - the ability to enter into another person’s experience and connect with it in such a way that you actually experience to some degree what the other person is experiencing. It is “as if” you are the other person, at least for a moment. Empathy comes from the Greek words meaning “in” and “feeling.” It is as if you are ‘in the feeling’ of the other (p. 58).

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Connecting with others in a way that makes them feel understood and valued is the key to life and the basis of building trust and loyalty. From that base, everything else works. To do that requires the kind of character that is oriented toward others and makes proactive connections with them in a way that builds bonds (p. 73).

source: Henry Cloud, Integrity

Giving Criticism

"If you are a critical, negative person, life will treat you badly. On the other hand, if you have a positive, joyous outlook, the joy you shared will be returned to you." - John Maxwell.

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In order to build strong relationships you need to know how to take criticism gracefully, but there are also times when you have to be the critic. It is possible to confront without ruining a relationship, but use caution, because careless confrontation can be devastating.

photos: Republic of Ireland (2005)

Before you confront, check yourself in the following areas:
1. Check your motive - the goal of confrontation should be to help, not to humiliate. Cutting someone down to boost yourself up is the lowest form of ego gratification. It's the sign of a very insecure person. Remember that it isn't necessary to blow out another person's light to let your own shine.

2. Make sure the issue is worthy of criticism - to whom does it really matter? Sometimes our pride causes us to engage in skirmishes that need ever happen. Continual petty criticism is the mark of a small mind; you have to be little to belittle.

3. Be specific - You must be tactfully specific. Say exactly what you mean and provide examples to back yourself up. If you can't be specific, don't confront. People can usually tell when you're skirting an issue and will not respect you for it.
4. Be creative or don't confront - look beyond the problem and see if you can help find some solutions. "There is nothing as easy as denouncing. It doesn't take much to see something is wrong, but it does take some eyesight to see what will put it right again." So, unless you're willing to help to some degree in turning the situation around, you're not ready to comment on the problem.

5. Confront when the timing is right - the right time is just as soon as you know something is wrong.

6. Look at yourself before looking at others - instead of putting others in their place, put yourself in their place. Have you successfully done what you're accusing the other guy of failing to do? Look at things from his point of view. You may see that you're the one who needs to make changes.

7. Attack the problem, not the person - Deal with the issue at hand. When a confrontation becomes a personal attack, you destroy your own credibility and find yourself in a no-win situation. Also, don't undermine the person's self-confidence - try to find at least one area in which you can praise the person before you expose the problem. Finally, end confrontation with encouragement. "To leave a discouraged person without hope is cruel and vindictive."

Goethe, the German poet said,

"Correction does much, but encouragement does more. Encouragement after censure is as the sun after a shower."

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source: John C. Maxwell, Be a People Person

WE

In life, you are either going to see people as your adversaries or as your assets: If they are your adversaries, you will be continually sparring with them, trying to defend your position. If you see people as assets, you will help them see their potential, and you will become allies in making the most of each other.

The happiest day of your life will be the day you realize "we" really is the most important word in the English language.

photo: Frasers Hill, M'sia (1994)

When it comes to human relations, remember:

The least important word: I (gets the least done)
The most important word: We (gets the most done) - relationships.
The two most important words: Thank You - appreciation.
The three most important words: All is forgiven - forgiveness.
The four most important words: What is your opinion? - listening.
The five most important words: You did a good job - encouragement.
The six most important words: I want to know you better - understanding.

Our success, fulfillment, and happiness depends upon our ability to relate to people effectively.

source: J.C. Maxwell "Be a People Person", p. 23

Nuturing Relationships

"I am a big believer that you have to nourish any relationship. I am still very much a part of my friend's lives and they are very much a part of my life." - Nancy Reagan

Into the tapestry of who you are is woven every relationship that touches your life. These relationships are the fibers of your connections to the human network around you...

... Each relationship in your life is an investment of your time, your energy, and you… Relationships can either be problematic or solution based; they can infuse you with energy or drain you; they can either enrich your experience or deplete it. Basically, the manner in which you interact with each person in your life will impact your overall well-being. - Cherie Carter-Scott

Ways to nurture relationships

In her book, "If Success is a Game, These are the Rules", Cherie Carter-Scott argued that human beings are social creatures. She shared 8 important ways we can tend to these relationships:

• Always keep your word – you are only as good as your word.
• Appreciate those around you, and let them know it – do not take anyone for granted.
• Go the extra mile for them – even though it does not benefit you directly or immediately. Doing this will create goodwill.
• Treat others with respect – listen when they speak. Show up on time.
• Forgive when necessary – forgive mistakes, practice empathy and compassion.
• Honor the human in them – show that you care for their well-being. Be interested and involved with their victories and disappointments.
• Pay attention to details – make it easy for people to do business with you. Take the obstacles out of their way. Listen to their needs and wants.
• Communicate clearly – most people are not mind readers. Be clear you’re your intentions, your desires, and your needs. Articulate your expectations. Express your concern when necessary.

The above principles apply also to business relationships.

"A customer is the most important visitor on our premises. He is not dependent on us. We are dependent on him. He is not an interruption of our work, he is the purpose of it. He is not an outsider to our business, he is a part of it. We are not doing him a favor by serving him. He is doing us a favor by giving us an opportunity to do so." – Mahatma Gandhi.

So, if you want an accounting of your worth, count your friends.

Love Chemistry

Yesterday, we attended our niece's solemnisation. This was the second niece, on my wife's side of the family, to get married within the last six months. In view of this as well as the coming Valentine Day, it is timely for me to post this poem, which I first came across when I was in my secondary school. You need to know chemistry to appreciate it.

I am attracted to you
Like an electron to a proton Together we form an ionic bond
Though we are oppositely charged ions
I am drawn toward you

Falling in love with you is a chemical reaction
I have been transformed
When I first met you there was a chain reaction
Which caused my love for you to grow

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As my love for you increases
My energy level rises
I am in an excited state
Increasing the tendency to form a chemical bond

Ours is an exorthemic love

Each giving off love not just absorbing it

Sometimes you do something especially nice

Which speeds up the chemical process

Like a catalyst in my increasing love for you

I realize that we have our inhibition periods
and sometimes I am selfish enough
To be an endothermic reaction
Only absorbing your love
When you are gone I am a noble gas
An inert substance
When I am without you
The world seems still

The feeling I have for you is so intense
It cannot be measured in kilocalories

Often I have to make a qualitative elemental analysis
To understand and love you more
But I don't expext to know your empirical formula
You are too complex a person for that

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Our love is unique as an orbital
For only two electrons can fill this space. I was an element
It took you to make me a compound substance