His No 1 Need: Admiration

"While criticism causes men to become defensive, admiration energizes and motivates them. A man expects - and needs - his wife to be his most enthusiastic fan. He draws confidence from her support and can usually achieve far more with her encouragement." - W.F. Harvey (p. 157)

photo: Venice, Italy (1999)

There's nothing more powerful, yet more unrecognized than the power of words. We tend to take our words for granted. We frequently forget that our words can have great impact on both the lives of our own and of others.

photo: Rome, Italy (1999)

Whilst the No. 1 need of wives (women) is affection, a man simply thrives on a woman's admiration. A woman needs to appreciate her husband for what he already is, not for what he could become (if he lived up to her standards). When she tells him that she appreciates him for what he had done, it gives him more satisfaction than he receives from his paycheck.

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Honest admiration is a great motivator for most men. When a woman tells a man she thinks he's wonderful, that inspires him to achieve more. He see himself as capable of handling new responsibilities and perfecting skills far above those of his present level (p. 156). To a great extent, men owe gratitude to their wives for this kind of emotional support, for without it, their confidence - the major source of their success - erodes and eventually crumbles. As W.F Harley wrote, "He needs her to be proud of him."

photo: Pisa, Italy (1999)

Wife, beware of nagging - he'll just withdraw. Your husband don't really need you to remind him of his shortcomings and failures - the world is already doing that on him. So, don't nag - give him time to rest - men need time for their brain to rest. Instead, "give your husband acceptance - give him a reason to go out to the work place more than everyone else. Your word speaks life into your husbands." In comparison to the artic cold criticism, your words of admiration will be welcomed like a warm spring breeze.

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"Throughout human history, our greatest leaders and thinkers have used the power of words to transform our emotions, to enlist us in their causes, and to shape the course of destiny. Words can not only create emotions, they create actions. And from our actions flow the results of our lives." - Tony Robbins

So, tell him today. Give honest praise and thanks for "trying to do the right thing". You need to admire him as much as he needs your praise. Teach yourself to speak words of praise. Learn how to tell your husband you admire him (honestly). Remember that a man really needs appreciation. He thrives on it. Martin Luther once said, "let the wife make the husband be glad to come home; let the husband make the wife be sad when he leave for work."

You have heard of the saying, "Behind every great man is a great woman." How about this? "Behind every man should be an admiring wife."