Careless Trust

In his book, Integrity, Henry Cloud shared that one of the Hebrew words that means ‘trust’ has the association he liked most when thinking of what ‘trust’ actually means.

To trust means to be careless. It means that you do not have to worry about how to “take care” of yourself with that person, because he is going to be worried about that too. It means that you do not have to “guard” yourself with her, because she is going to be concerned with what is good for you and what is not good for you. You do not have to “watch your back” with him, because he is going to be watching it for you (p. 77).

photo: Frankfurt (Jun 09)

In other words, the supreme essence of trust is not being “guarded”. This type of trust can only be developed over time as the other party recognizes that their interests were being lookedout for even when they are not looking.

According to Henry, incredible things happen when two parties “let down their guard” with each other. They get open, creative, take risks, learn from each other, and deliver fruit in whatever their endeavor to a much more leveraged degree that if they were in the protected mode. This happens in personal relationships, such as marriage, friendship, or parenting, and in business as well. To get to everything that can come from two people’s hearts, minds, and souls, you have to get to openness and vulnerability. You have to have access. And access is only given as trust increases (p. 79-80).

When access builds, more is given. But, once you know the person, trust goes to a whole different level when you both figure out that the other is “for” you and not “against” you or even indifferent even when you are not watching (p. 80).

source: Henry Cloud, Integrity