People of Grace

"People of grace leave others better off than how they found them, even when they were getting nothing in return"

- Henry Cloud (p. 84).

photo: SDE, NUS

In his book Integrity, Henry Cloud shared that we can divided character’s ability to trust & be trustworthy into 3 categories:

1. Paranoid – this kind of person just doesn’t see trust as an option and can do OK, as long as things are going well. But, these people typically do not extend themselves to others in the kinds of giving and vulnerability because they feel as if everyone will come back to get them. Somehow they will “get screwed in the end,” they feel. “No good turn goes unpunished” could be their motto, and when something goes wrong, they instantly get into retaliatory more (p. 81).

2. Fair - These types desire trust and good relationships and treat people well, as long as they are being treated well. And they do not turn mole hills into mountain or read paranoid meanings into innocent mistakes. They are pretty forgiving and can solve problem. They will do wonderful things as well and can be quite giving to people who are doing well to them. They give as long as they are receiving, and things are mutual. They truly are “for” the ones who are “for” them. In the sense, they are people who “play fair” – “you treat me well, and I will treat you well” seems to be the rule that they live by. But if something truly does go wrong, or even less than going wrong, is not equal or mutual in some way, then they cry foul, and their good treatment of others stops. They are not being stroked, so they are not going to stroke.

3. Grace - True trust comes when we realize that another’s goodness, and being for my best interest, is not dependent on anything. It is just a part of that person’s integrity. It is who that person is, the kind of person who wants the best for others and will do whatever he or she can bring that about. Then, there is nothing to fear. If I mess up, you will be there for me. That doesn’t mean that you are going to ignore my failures, by any measure. You may even do an intervention, or something strong to get me to face my lack of performance. But, you will still have my best interests in mind, and that will be your motivation. As a result, I can trust your intervention and be helped.

In leadership, this means that you are for your people to do well, and to become all that they can be. It also means that you do things “for” them that are “unmerited” and help them get there. And the truth is that this kind of person never really initiates being “against” anyone, unless that person is doing something to harm him or others. At that point, the person will take a stand to end the destruction, but even that kind of stand is against the destructiveness.

Source: Henry Cloud, Integrity