Connection

"In work, in marriage, in parenting, in friendship, in business, connection happens when one person has a true emotional investment in the other, and the other person experiences that and it is returned. To do that requires the character that gets out of oneself long enough to know, experience, and value the “other”… It has to be done in a way that the “other” can experience it. - Henry Cloud (p. 57).

photo: Munich (Jun 09)

People feel cared about, and trust is built, when they know that we have a genuine interest in knowing about them.

Connection, fundamentally, is the experience by one person that another is invested in him or her. It begins in infancy, when a baby comes to life as its mother involves herself in its being and existence. What he or she feels and experience matters, and a bond is built. That continues throughout childhood, and kids who grow up with deep connection are the ones who grow up secure, and most able to deal with life. What we forget, though, is that connectedness is important not just for babies, but all the way through life (p. 57).

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Detachment is the opposite of connection. It is whereby a person is a kind of island unto him- or herself. Not to be confused with being introverted, detachment is about not crossing the space to actually enter into another person’s world through the curiosity and desire to know them, understand them, to be ‘with’ them, to be present with them, and ultimately to care for them. Sadly, a lot of loving & nice people are detached in this way, and their relationships suffer for it (p. 56).
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What Builds Connection?
Empathy - the ability to enter into another person’s experience and connect with it in such a way that you actually experience to some degree what the other person is experiencing. It is “as if” you are the other person, at least for a moment. Empathy comes from the Greek words meaning “in” and “feeling.” It is as if you are ‘in the feeling’ of the other (p. 58).

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Connecting with others in a way that makes them feel understood and valued is the key to life and the basis of building trust and loyalty. From that base, everything else works. To do that requires the kind of character that is oriented toward others and makes proactive connections with them in a way that builds bonds (p. 73).

source: Henry Cloud, Integrity