Gaining Trust

What is so special about friendship? TRUST, according to Charles Kingsley and Ralph Waldo Emerson. "A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and loves us in spite of all our faults" - Charles Kingsley.

"The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it's the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him with his friend." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

But how do you gain people’s trust? According to Henry Cloud, "if you are going to get them to come with you in your final decision, and trust you, you have to understand where they are and join them in that place first…. people are not going to get in the car with somebody they don’t trust or don’t fell understand them. We trust people who we think hear us, understand us, and are able to empathize with our realities as well as their own. That is why the abilities to connect and trust are so intertwined." - H. Cloud (pp. 52-53).

photo: stokholm, sweden (june 09)

Trust, in the end, is about the heart, and someone making an investment in you from his or her heart. And if you gain people’s trust, their heart, then you also have their desire and passion. Heart, desire and passion all go together. Without one, you don’t have the other. That is why some leaders only get compliance, but can’t capture their people’s best efforts… But the good ones capture the other people’s will, their true desire, through connecting with them first (p. 53).

photo: stockholm, sweden (jun 09)

Application: In marriage, how far will a spouse go for someone who makes no attempt to understand and connect with where he or she is and what he or she is experiencing in the relationship? As time goes by, less and less. The love begins to wane, and the passion fails to fuel the commitment as it once did. That is when they get into danger if they do not have a deeper desire to live out their values and commitments over and above how they feel… BUT,

if some feels understood, and connect with, it is a whole different story. (p. 54)

Source: Henry Cloud, Integrity - the courage to meet demands of reality