In his book "The 10 Commandments of Common Sense", Hal Urban related this story. "During a recent trip to Singapore, I spoke about how important listening is to effective communication. In my talk, I quoted an ancient Greek philosopher:
photo: Sir Stamford Raffles statue, Singapore
"We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak" - EpictetusIn the same talk, I referred to the theory... "Good listeners listen with their eyes." When someone is talking to us, our eyes will let him or her know whether we're really listening. When we look into the other person's eyes, we're sending a message, namely, "what you have to say is important. I'm giving you my full attention." Finally, I mentioned that good listeners takes empathy and concentration, and that it's had work. We listen with our total being, including our core - the heart.
Shortly after my talk, a Chinese man came up to me and asked if I had ever seen the symbol for "listen" in his language... I told him no, so he drew it for me. It had several parts, each relating to the various aspects of listening. One of the symbols represents the mouth, while another represents the ears. The most interesting part was a symbol of ten eyes. One mouth, two ears, and ten eyes.... And at the center of the symbol area a one and a heart. In other words, all the parts that lead to genuine listening add up to a single thing - the heart.
This is the Chinese character which means LISTEN.
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The section on the left denotes the ear
There are four sections on the right:
the top one says ten (or you)
beneath that comes the eyes
next is undivided attention
at the bottom is heart
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Upon life, there will be times when we are called to comfort those who are suffering. In the bible, there is a story of a man, Job, who went from riches-to-rags. Within a short period of time, he loses his children, wealth, home, and health. Three of Job's friends came to visit him. They were supposed to be comforting him in his grief. Instead they condemned him for causing his own suffering. Job called his friends "miserable comforters".
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"I have heard all this before. What miserable comforters are you all! Will your long-winded speeches never end? What ails you that you keep on arguing? I could also speak like you, if you were in my place; I could make fine speeches against you. But my mouth would encourage you; comfort from my lips would bring you relief." - Job 16: 1-5
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Job's words reveal several ways to become a better comforter to those in pain: (1) don't talk just for the sake of talking, (2) don't sermonise by giving pat answers, (3) don't accuse or criticise, (4) put yourself in the other person's place, and (5) offer help and encouragement.
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...... A Poem About Listening .....
Please, just listen. When I ask you to listen to me, and you start giving advice, you have not done what I asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings. When I ask you to listen to me, and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem. Listen! All I asked was that you listen, not talk, or do... just hear. Advice is cheap ... . I'm not helpless. Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless. When you do something for me that I can, and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear and inadequacy. But when you accept, as a simple fact, that I do feel no matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to convince you and get about the business of understanding what's behind this irrational feeling... . Please listen and just hear me, and if you want to talk wait a minute for your turn, and I'll listen to you. - Ray Houghton, M.D.Teen Times, Nov/Dec 1979
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Source: LAB
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